Self-Reliance

Tomorrow afternoon, I'll be teaching the lesson What does it mean to be self-reliant? to my Mia Maid class. It is a great lesson and chock-full of very helpful and inspiring information!

I've been taught self-reliance throughout my entire life, so this idea is nothing new to me. :) Now, I hope I can say this next part without sounding prideful because it's certainly not my intent... I am greatly pleased that Greg and I have done everything within our power to be self-reliant. That previous statement sounds funny to say because we're together in our self-reliance! Should we call it couple-reliant?! Ha ha.

Anyway, Greg's and my desire to remain self-reliant is probably one of the main reasons we've moved so many times. Well, that, and our desire to have me continue as a stay-at-home mom. Yes, we've gone to great lengths to live our lives self-reliantly and honorably.

Although Greg and I have never had to ask for government or church assistance (my church has an amazing welfare program: The Church Welfare Plan, A Mission of Self-Reliance and Service), there have been two times in our marriage when Greg and I chose to borrow money from extended family members to get us through a financial rough patch.

Thankfully, we absolutely paid back every penny to our generous family members! I'd like to point out that we could have made ends meet without their assistance, but they were kind enough to help us out with an interest-free loan, and we will be forever grateful for their generosity! :)

D&C 104:78 is direct and to the point about our debts—this is our Savior "talking" to us:

78 And again, verily I say unto you, concerning your debts—behold it is my will that you shall pay all your debts.

It doesn't get much clearer than that, does it?! Thus, I'm grateful again that Greg and I have done our best to stay out of debt. Granted, we're currently paying off Greg's MBA student loan, and the mortgage on our home will be there for the next 25 years(!), and we're still recovering financially from our move in 2013 (it's been hard recovering this time!), but we're whittling away our debts every month, and I know eventually we'll get our balances back to zero! :)

One of the lovely talks I read for this lesson is Strengthening Future Mothers, by Susan W. Tanner. Here are three of my favorite paragraphs from her talk, emphasis added:

"Homemaking skills are becoming a lost art. I worry about this. When we lose the homemakers in a society, we create an emotional homelessness much like street homelessness, with similar problems of despair, drugs, immorality, and lack of self-worth.  In a publication called The Family in America, Bryce Christensen writes that the number of homeless people on the street 'does not begin to reveal the scope of homelessness in America. For since when did the word home signify merely physical shelter, or homelessness merely the lack of such shelter? … Home [signifies] not only shelter, but also emotional commitment, security, and belonging. Home has connoted not just a necessary roof and warm radiator, but a place sanctified by the abiding ties of wedlock, parenthood, and family obligation; a place demanding sacrifice and devotion, but promising loving care and warm acceptance.' 

"So we must teach homemaking skills, including practical ones such as cooking, sewing, budgeting, and beautifying. We must let young women know that homemaking skills are honorable and can help them spiritually as well as temporally. Making a home appealing physically will encourage loved ones to want to be there and will help create the kind of atmosphere that is conducive to the Spirit."

"My best and most consistent example in learning the joys of homemaking and mothering was my own mother. She told me many times every day how much she treasured being a mother and homemaker, and then she lived those words in every action. She sang as she folded laundry; she exulted over the clean smell in a freshly scrubbed bathroom; she taught me how to read and write, sew and cook, love and serve. Because she emanated the Spirit and the fruits of love, joy, peace, meekness, long-suffering, and temperance, I felt it, and I knew I wanted the same things in my life (see Gal. 5:22–23). Her example continues to teach me daily."

I couldn't agree more with Susan! I love her words!

While I'm always trying my best to be a good/happy mother and homemaker, I know there is more I can do to step-up my game, and I will do it—whatever it may be! :) *That said, I will continue taking good care of myself physically, emotionally and spiritually, for I know I'm a better wife, mother and homemaker when I feel fulfilled, uplifted and happy inside.

Yes, women must always fill their buckets first, so they are able to endlessly give the water needed to their family members and others in society. :)

Speaking of being a good homemaker, I just stumbled across a video of President Obama speaking in Rhode Island titled President Obama Speaks On Women and the Economy. Sadly, I was completely disappointed (and frankly appalled) at his words from 13:34 through 14:34:

"In many states, sending your child to daycare costs more than sending them to a public university. True? And too often, parents have no choice but to put their kids in cheaper daycare that maybe doesn't have the kinds of programming, uh, that makes a big difference in a child's development, but, you know, and sometimes, there may just not be any slots, or, the best programs may be too far away. 

"And sometimes, someone, usually mom, leaves the workplace to stay home with the kids, which then leaves her earning a lower wage for the rest of her life as a result. That's not a choice we want Americans to make.

"So, let's make this happen, by the end of this decade, let's enroll six million children in high quality preschool. And let's make sure we are making America stronger. That's good for families..."

Um, no, President Obama, I completely disagree! Granted, I'm not disagreeing that preschool is a good idea because preschool is great for kids—I love preschool for all children! That said, I feel strongly that moms (or dads) need to be home with their children before and after preschool. Daycare is not the answer!

I've said it before, and I'll say it again: Children grow up and move-on. We only get to care for our children for such a short period of time! We must enjoy our children and raise them while they need us! Sorry to be repetitive, but daycare is not the answer! (Unless there is truly no other option.) Then, when our children are grown and gone, we can absolutely go back into the workplace—it's not going anywhere, it will still be there when we want to return!

I completely and fully intend to return to working outside our home when my youngest child is ready to venture out on his own. In fact, my patriarchal blessing talks about the career I will have one day. It's pretty specific, so I'm very interested to see where I end up in my career when my children have left my lovely little nest. :)

Yes, I strongly believe that self-reliance absolutely applies to raising our children ourselves, instead of depending on babysitters, nannies, daycare, or other private/government programs to do the job that our Heavenly Father intended us to do as parents! Seriously, how do so many people not understand this, or choose to ignore it?

What really irked me is President Obama's implication that money is somehow more important than mothers caring for their own children. I can't believe he doesn't want American women leaving the workplace to care for their children because they'll earn a lower wage for the rest of their lives. Seriously?!

Sorry for my tangent-rant...I'm just very passionate about mothers being there for their children. :)

In the book True to the Faith, there's a section on welfare. It points out so many good things, but my favorite paragraph is this,

In order to become self-reliant, you must be willing to work. The Lord has commanded us to work (see Genesis 3:19; D&C 42:42). Honorable work is a basic source of happiness, self-worth, and prosperity.

See? I'm not against work! I'm simply for mothers working inside and around their homes—having their family be their greatest joy and most important priority! :) *Again, I know it's not always possible for mothers to stay at home with their children. I understand when single mothers or married mothers must work outside the home because there is truly no other choice to keep their family financially afloat.

That said, I continually wonder how often women work to provide for the extra$ of life? Could women do more with less? Julie Beck said in her amazing (and somewhat controversial) 2007 talk Mothers Who Know (emphasis added),

"Mothers who know do less. They permit less of what will not bear good fruit eternally. They allow less media in their homes, less distraction, less activity that draws their children away from their home. Mothers who know are willing to live on less and consume less of the world’s goods in order to spend more time with their children—more time eating together, more time working together, more time reading together, more time talking, laughing, singing, and exemplifying. These mothers choose carefully and do not try to choose it all..."

I cannot state enough how much I completely agree with Julie! I loved her words when I first heard her talk, and I love them even more today! She was truly inspired when she wrote them. :)

If only President Obama could have an inkling of Julie Beck's beautiful understanding, he would not have said what he did. He would understand that, just like Ecclesiastes 3:1 tells us, "To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:" Truly! There is plenty of time for women to raise their babies and later have their careers. Life is long, and we will have many years to make money, but we only get 18 years with our darling children!

To finish up this post, here are the handouts I created for my Mia Maids. I hope they like them because I love them! :)

*Update: 11/10/14:

For a follow-up of this post, please read A Follow-up to President Obama's Speech on Women and the Economy.

The Evolution of a Soul

I don't have much time to write, but this thought has been swimming around in my head today, and I must get it out before I go grocery shopping! :)

One of the things I love most about life is watching people grow. I love watching babies grow into children, and witnessing children morph into adults. I love seeing the way babies learn by discovering their world. Oh, babies fill my soul with a happiness that I can't describe! Basically, every baby I've ever met I want to hold. I call it baby therapy. But I digress...

I simply can't get enough of children exploding into their personalities, for I believe every baby comes to earth with their personalities already firmly intact. All they need is to wait for their bodies to catch up—so their spirits can expand and fill every nook and cranny of their bones, brain cells and muscles! The growth every person goes through is absolutely astounding and marvelous! I truly can't get enough of witnessing this glorious process we call living!

My fascination with people doesn't end at watching only their physical changes. Even though adults are grown, and their bodies' cells begin their decline around age 25 (at least I think I read that statistic somewhere once), their souls continue to evolve.

As our bodies stop regenerating as effectively and beautifully as they once did, simultaneously our spirits are continuously expanding—becoming better by the day...if only we will allow them that chance! Yes, sometimes we are our own worst enemies! But if we take all of the knowledge we've gained through our life experiences, and apply it to bettering ourselves, wow, there are no limits as to what we can become!

The beauty of witnessing the evolution of a soul is truly something to behold—I daresay it is magically magnificent! Thus, I hope the people of our world will be patient with each other. I wish for all of us to be kinder...gentler. I would love it if we could see that everyone around us is evolving, and give them the benefit of every doubt we might have.

Obviously, we evolve at different rates. Some of us seem to be on the luge of life, speeding effortlessly on ice around every hairpin turn and never getting so much as a scratch! Others seem to be stuck thigh-deep in a swamp, struggling to progress even one inch to safety and happiness. At times we wonder if they will survive or be swallowed whole by the slimy muck that holds them prisoner. Life can be very sad when witnessing those destructive realities.

I think the greatest reward comes to those who continually and carefully stand by their loved ones—no matter how long or drawn out his or her evolution process takes. Patiently watching and waiting to offer unconditional love and support to those we care about is a gift to everyone involved...a gift that can never be quantified or matched!

I guarantee we will never regret graciously allowing others the time and space they need to become their best selves, but we will most assuredly lament their quiet weeping when we stubbornly refuse to accept their souls as-is. No. We must never contribute to a soul's broken heart, for that would ensure our sadness and remorse—possibly indefinitely!

*Granted, we must always preserve our personal safety (and the safety of those we love), but as long as our well-being isn't in jeopardy, there is nothing wrong with extending our own souls to support those in need.

Seriously, is there anything more fulfilling than knowing we've positively contributed to forever changing someone's life for the best?! I think not! :)

Mothers, Never Doubt Your Worth or Importance

Before you begin reading, please know that I have permission from my darling daughter to share our personal story with all of you. She told me she feels our story could be helpful to all children and their mothers. All I can say is WOW, I'm a blessed lady to have such a wonderful and thoughtful daughter! :)

Last night, I had such an interesting experience. It all began when I took my daughter to the store to buy contact solution for her new contacts. She's so happy she doesn't have to wear glasses anymore! Three cheers for good vision! (Seriously, never take good vision for granted. Ever.) My daughter brought along the last of her birthday money to purchase a few treats. She wasn't too happy I made her leave her iPod at home, but I wanted us to actually talk to each other in the car. I must say, it was a very smart move on my part. We talked, chatted and laughed the entire time! We were gone for about an hour and had a lovely time bonding together.

When we got home, we stayed in the kitchen so she could nibble a few bites of her treats. (By the way, don't eat a few Reese's Pieces followed by a Junior Mint, otherwise your mouth will think it's eating soap! My daughter learned that the hard way. Ha ha.) We sat next to each other at our beautiful kitchen table (that I waited 15 years and nine months to purchase!) and continued happily chatting. I began looking through the mail she picked up for me before we left for the store. All of a sudden, I got really excited when I saw an advertisement for adult ballet classes in one of those coupon magazines.

You see, I love ballet! I greatly enjoy watching ballet, and I love doing ballet myself—even though I only started really learning it as an adult. I've been wishing I could take ballet classes again, ever since we moved from Colorado six years ago. My family knows how much I adore ballet. I even purchased the New York City Ballet's workout dvds a few years ago. It's a great workout!

I exclaimed to my daughter, "Ooh! There's an adult ballet class at that studio! I've been wishing for an adult ballet class nearby! I wonder how much it costs! I'll have to check it out online."

My daughter instantly said, "Mom, I remember when you used to go to ballet all the time when we lived in Colorado. ________ [her older brother] and I used to cry at the window every night when you left." Surprised, I said, "You did?" With tears in her eyes, she said, "Yes. we cried every time you left." I was surprised at her words because while I remembered my children didn't really like that I went to ballet two nights a week, I didn't remember that they cried at the window! SO sad face. :(

Her recollection of that time made me feel so badly! I mean, I probably waited until 8:30 p.m. to leave, and Greg stayed home and put the kids to bed right after I left. And our kids have a fantastic relationship with Greg, he is an excellent father! Not to mention, I was a complete stay-at-home mom, just like I am today. I have always been a 100% stay-at-home mom. Okay, I actually calculated and combined the hours/days I've spent away from my children, and figured out that I've been there for my children 99.4% of their lives—at least when they weren't at school. (*I previously listed my time with my children at 95%, but decided to see what the number—me being away from my children—actually was, and it was way too high.)

I said to my sweet daughter, "Oh, ______! Give me a hug! I'm so sorry I made you feel badly!" She hugged me and then she really began to cry. Stunned, I said, "______, is there anything I can do for you? Is there anything I can say that would make you feel better?" Her words shocked me, "Don't go to ballet again. Just stay home, Mom." I said, "So, is it only ballet that you don't want me to leave for, or do you not like it when I leave for other things too?" Crying, she said, "I wish you'd never leave, Mom. I just want you to be home with me all the time!" I was truly surprised beyond belief.

We talked some more and she calmed down. She expressed that she understands her dad needs to go to work to support our family, and that's okay. But she surprised me again when she conveyed how she would rather that Greg and I didn't leave her and her brothers home alone on date-nights, etc. I asked her if something bad has happened to her that she needs to talk about. She assured me that everything is okay/fine, and I believe her. She said she understands when I need to go grocery shopping or to the doctor, etc., and that it's okay for her dad to be home with her when I'm gone doing those things.

I said, "So, how is it okay that you get to leave me every day when you go to school?" I was kind-of joking, but she strongly replied, "Well, you make me go to school!" I said, "Hey, it's either that or home school, and we've talked about this before. You don't want to have me as your teacher, so you go to public school." She instantly responded, "I know, and I want to keep going to school because I get to see my friends every day!" She also spends time with her friends outside of school, and I'm very glad for that.

My darling daughter and I concluded that it's best if I'm home with her as much as possible, which is so not hard for me to do. :) Plus, she knows that anytime I run errands, she is more than welcome to come with me. :)

What I've come to understand about my children from this discussion is, if they're given the choice whether to stay home alone (because they're legally old enough to do so) or come with me, they're totally and completely fine to make the choice to stay home alone. :) But they don't enjoy me leaving them home on a regularly-scheduled basis for activities they deem as "Mom doesn't want to spend time with me because she would rather leave home and do something else."

I think what it all comes down to is this: Children need to know that their mothers are absolutely there for them, 100%. Children want to be able to do whatever activities they choose, but they want to be able to see their mothers out of the corner of their eyes, smiling and cheering them on. Mothers are their children's safe place! Then, when children are ready (and every child is different), they'll gradually be able to let go. Yet a child's "invisible cord" is always attached to their mother, no matter how much physical distance is put between them. I know this is true because I've experienced it with my own dear mother. :) And now I have another strong example from my daughter that matches how I felt during my growing-up years.

This experience has completely renewed my motherly efforts. For a little while now, I've felt a smidgen less important in my children's lives. I know that sounds ridiculous, but I have one teenager and two pre-teens. If a catastrophe happened, my children could be totally self-sufficient...they don't need me in the ways they used to. In terms of having older children, I've felt that I could be replaceable—but nothing could be further from the truth! My children are definitely expressing their independence and growth (I'm so happy to watch them progress and grow!), but again, they need to know that I'm absolutely there for them whenever they need me. And I strongly believe all children have very similar feelings to my children.

Yes, Mothers, never doubt your worth or importance, for you are more valuable to your children than you could ever fully understand!

Now, I'm going to finish watching The Wizard of Oz with my sassy, sweet, cherished daughter. There is truly no place like home!

I snapped this photo while watching our new Blu-Ray disc! As a young girl, this scene was always my favorite part of The Wizard of Oz!

Children Don't Wait

I looked at my blog last night and realized I haven't posted anything in over five weeks, which has to be some kind of non-posting record for me! That doesn't mean that I don't have anything to write about. I literally have pages of ideas in my little blogging notebook. I also have several notes on my smart phone's note app. My mind is constantly swirling with things I'm just "dying" to write about on my happy little blog! I've just been busy volunteering at my children's school, vacationing, spending time with my little family, and doing many household chores. The end of school and start of summer is a very busy time for me. :)

Even though I have this intense desire to write on my blog until my fingers ache, I've consciously chosen to spend my time mainly on/with my little family, and I feel like I'm making the right decision. A few days ago, I was talking with my amazing mom and we got on the topic of motherhood. (Surprise surprise!) She told me a delightful little story that helped solidify my aforementioned feelings.

One day, when I was about 10 years old, my mom was busy doing many important tasks. We (my mom and I) had recently bought a sew-it-yourself doll. (I loved dolls so much when I was little! I still love dolls, but don't display them like I used to.) I asked my mom, over and over, when she was going to start sewing the doll for me? My mom kept saying, "Not now, I'm busy." (Or something like that.)

She ended up talking to her mom on the phone that day, and mentioned her frustration at my consistent pestering because she had so many other things she needed to accomplish. That's when her mom said, "Shari, children don't wait." My lovely grandma continued to explain her thoughts about the great importance of children, how quickly they grow up, that my mom should take the time to sew my doll, and then she could complete her other tasks. My mom said she learned a very valuable lesson that day—one that she's never forgotten!

The interesting thing is, I absolutely remember watching my mom stay up late that night, sewing my doll's dress. Her actions meant the world to me! But I never knew the story behind her selfless service.

I am utterly grateful for my grandma's words—not only because they benefited me when I was young, but because I totally relate to them now as a mother of my own three sweet children! I think my grandma's words can benefit any caregiver of children. Plus, I have always felt a special connection to my grandma, and this is just one more example of how we agree with each other. Yes, we are most definitely on the same wavelength when it comes to spending our time on mothering our precious children. :)

While I could endlessly gush about my grandma and all of her amazing, wonderful, and inspiring qualities, I'm going to follow her example and go spend time with my children. :) But before I go (I know, I'm such a chatterbox!), I want to share my typographic design of my grandmother's words. I had such a delightful time creating it! I tried to get a 50s feel going with the font, border, and colors, for my grandma was in the prime of her mothering in the 1950s. I feel so happy knowing that my grandmother's wise words will (hopefully) be shared with many people!

Contributing to Society

I recently read an article on the Huffington Post that got under my skin. Yet I read it on the anniversary of my little sister's death (you can read about her in my post, Mackenzie Day), so I didn't feel like blogging about it then. Yes, death is tough.

While reading the first section of the article, A Letter From a Working Mother to a Stay-at-Home Mother (and Vice Versa), I thought, "This is great! I love that she's recognizing stay-at-home moms for all that they are and all that they do for their families!" But then I became annoyed at the second part of the article.

*Before I get to my annoyance, please let me say that I absolutely agree with the phrase the author wrote about work-outside-the-home moms, "I know you love your children just as much as any other mother."—I know it's true.

I also want to clarify that I totally understand that there are some situations in which a mother has no choice but to work outside the home. I have such empathy and compassion for mothers who struggle financially. I know how a mother's heart breaks when there is seemingly no answer in sight to the financial difficulties she is facing, for I have faced that same situation so many times in my life.

Yet my husband and I have always been blessed to find solutions that have allowed me to be a stay-at-home mom, and still meet our family's financial obligations. Those solutions have always involved sacrifice, but those sacrifices were absolutely worth it for me to be able to stay home and care for every one of my children's needs! And my husband completely agrees. :)

All of that said, here's the paragraph from the article that riled me:

"I know that sometimes you feel guilty about not being there all the time. But WM [working mom], I know this. You are setting a wonderful example to your children. You are showing them that a woman can have a career, contribute in some way outside the home, and still be a loving mother. You are showing your daughters that they can do anything they want to do in life. You are displaying strength, endurance, dedication, tenacity, and you do it with so much joy and love."

Even now, as I read through that paragraph again, I can feel my insides clenching. My fight-or-flight response has kicked into high gear!

You see, I believe that motherhood is the ultimate career. Raising the next generation is the greatest contribution to society that a woman will ever have the wonderful opportunity to be a part of. What continually frustrates me is to see, time and again, that women somehow feel that raising children isn't enough. I truly can't fathom that train of thought!

This sentence, "You are showing your daughters that they can do anything they want in life.", made me want to shout to the world: Yes, women can do anything they want in life. Women are strong, capable and smart! But who will raise the children of those work-outside-the-home mothers to become their best selves? Who will spend the quality time and extra energy on those children in exactly the same way as their mothers would? No other caregiver will love a child as completely as her/his mother does, and anyone that thinks otherwise is deluding themselves. No one could ever fully fill the void in a child's life when their mother isn't there on a consistent basis.

*Disclaimer: I know there are some women who are not fit to be mothers. I'm referring to women who don't fall into that sad category. Also, stay-at-home dads are a wonderful option when the mom isn't available, and I wholeheartedly prefer them to day care, or nannies, or babysitters, every time! But I still believe the mother is the best option for her child, day-in and day-out. Also, I completely understand that no mother can be with her child 100% of his/her life. I'm referring to when a mother consciously and continually chooses to have a career (or other interests) outside of the home full-time, when she could find an alternative and make the sacrifices necessary to be a stay-at-home mom.

What I wish work-outside-the-home moms would think long and hard about is this:

What message are you sending your child when you leave to go to work? Are your actions showing your child that you love her/him more than anything? Or, are you silently and unknowingly saying, "I love you, but I love my job more because I leave you every day to go to work." Have you thought about what your child honestly thinks of your decision to work outside of your home? Because no child will willingly say something to their beloved mama that might hurt her feelings.

Yes, please think about your child first...not about your career and where it will take you in the future. (Again, this is not directed to women who have absolutely no choice other than to be employed outside the home.)

To continue, I cringed when the author praised work-outside-the-home mothers by writing, "You are displaying strength, endurance, dedication, tenacity, and you do it with so much joy and love." For I believe every mother should give her strength, endurance, dedication and tenacity to her children...she should not give precedence to her career. Every child deserves to have 100% of their mother's very best qualities on a daily basis!

Instead, I fear many of our world's children receive their mothers' leftovers (I'm not talking about food!), because no one has endless energy or time. Every person has a set amount of give that they can share with the world. If mothers are continually giving the best parts of themselves to the outside world, there isn't much left to give to their children.

In his talk, Of Regrets and Resolutions, President Dieter F. Uchtdorf has beautifully taught us the importance of cherishing our loved ones every day of our lives. He said,

"Perhaps the most universal regret dying patients expressed was that they wished they had spent more time with the people they love. 

"Men in particular sang this universal lament: they “deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the [daily] treadmill of … work.”3 Many had lost out on choice memories that come from spending time with family and friends. They missed developing a deep connection with those who meant the most to them." (He took quote 3 from from Bronnie Ware, in Steiner, “Top Five Regrets of the Dying.”)

I think President Uchtdorf's example need not apply only to men, as it can absolutely apply to women with children who work unnecessarily outside the home on a regular basis.

I simply feel that if all women could actively internalize the immeasurable importance of stay-at-home motherhood, not only would they feel better about their decision not to work outside the home, but the children of our world would be happier, healthier, emotionally content, more intelligent, and feel secure in their lives. That might seem like a lofty list, but I believe it's entirely achievable.

Yesterday morning, I took a break from writing this post to get ready for lunch with my friend. I was stunned to hear the news story of a 15-year-old boy who hopped a flight to Hawaii inside of one of the rear wheel wells of the airplane, and he miraculously survived! My first thought was, "Why on earth did he do that?! He could have been killed!!" Yet, I wasn't surprised when I heard the suspected reason for his trip. It turns out, the young man was simply trying to get to his mother in Somalia. Wow. It pulls at my heartstrings to think of how much he must have missed his mother...enough that he would risk his very life to be with her again! That stowaway's sad story is the perfect illustration of just how much children need their mothers—no matter how old they are!

In the end, children grow up and move-on in their lives. When compared to overall lifespans, mothers have the opportunity to raise their children for a relatively short period of time. And if a child dies while still on the younger side, a mother has even less time with her baby. (I say baby even though I know children grow up and are no longer technically babies. Every mother's child will always be her baby, no matter how much time passes.)

If only all mothers would remember that they have the rest of their lives to work in their chosen career, I feel they would be able to make it through the long and tiring child-rearing days at home—with a happier spring in their step! :)

After speaking with so many elderly adults, I'm convinced that our numerous employment years will seem much l o n g e r than the time we spent raising our children. Also, depending on how long we live, please ponder the fact that retirement can roughly be the same length of time we spend raising a child to young adulthood! Seriously, wow.

We would do well to remember President Thomas S. Monson's sage advice (emphasis added):

"If you have children who are grown and gone, in all likelihood you have occasionally felt pangs of loss and the recognition that you didn't appreciate that time of life as much as you should have. Of course, there is no going back, but only forward. Rather than dwelling on the past, we should make the most of today, of the here and now, doing all we can to provide pleasant memories for the future. 

"If you are still in the process of raising children, be aware that the tiny fingerprints that show up on almost every newly cleaned surface, the toys scattered about the house, the piles and piles of laundry to be tackled will disappear all too soon and that you will—to your surprise—miss them profoundly." (Finding Joy in the Journey, General Conference, October 2008.)

Yes, fellow mothers, let's dearly appreciate the fact that we have been given the greatest opportunity to be employed in the most extraordinary (albeit unpaid) profession there is! Let's enjoy every moment we have with our children, for we have merely 6,570 days (i.e., 18 years)—give or take a few—with our beloved babies in our homes. Remember, there is no turning back the clock of childhood. Thus, let's not hesitate to daily give all of our very best bits to our children!

Let's Not Be Sissies!

On December 22nd, 2013, I sat in my ward's Old Testament Gospel Doctrine Class enjoying the discussion. At precisely 12:43 p.m., I heard this most wonderful phrase,

"Mortality is not for sissies."

I know the date and time of this event because I promptly wrote it down in my smarty phone's note app. I chuckled a little inside as I rolled his words over in my mind. Then I thought, "He's totally right! Mortality is very hard!"

*Oh, and just to clarify, my church's definition of mortality is: The time from birth until physical death. This is sometimes called the second estate.

Some days mortality is fairly easy, but there are many days when we have to have a lot of courage and gumption just to make it to bedtime! No, friends, mortality is most definitely not for sissies! :)

Several weeks later, I asked the brother who said it if I could quote him. He said, "Yes." Yay! So, thank you, Mike Kaminske, for your wonderfully insightful words, I have truly enjoyed pondering them!

Since that day, I have seen so many crazy events happen in our world. Some happenings are truly unbelievable. I never could have predicted where our global society has ended up in a little less than four months! And as I've written before (see my blog post "Paramount Parents"), I truly believe that many of our society's problems come from a lack of good, strong, righteous parenting.

And even though I am one of the strongest advocates and supporters of the family—and all that goes into it—I understand that parenting is a tough job. Parenting might just be the toughest job ever!

Well, might I add, Mike Rowe's Dirty Job episodes—that show him working as a sludge cleaner and a sewer inspector—might take the grand prize in terms of the toughest jobs. To me, parenting looks like a walk in the park compared to those disgusting jobs! Eww, gross! But I digress...

Thus, I decided to create a new typographic design that blends Brother Kaminske's ideas with my own. By the way, I was very deliberate in choosing a brick wall as the back drop...

As parents, we must always stand strong and firm in our beliefs, and absolutely do what is right. We must look for, and highlight, the wonderful... the lovely... the happy!... the kind, and the good in the world. We must not agree with, nor condone, behavior or beliefs that are contrary to what is best for our children. We must continually try our very best...not only for our benefit, but especially for our precious babies' benefit! :)

Each day, we parents have an amazing opportunity to choose and lay the "bricks" that will build the "walls" of our children's childhoods. In turn, those initial brick walls will provide the basic structure that "house" our children for the rest of their lives. (Metaphorically speaking, of course!) Each of our children's subsequent life events become the "additions" to their "houses".

Before we can lay those essential bricks, we must be sure that the "foundations" we've created for our children are level, thick, stable, and waterproof. For it doesn't matter how carefully a brick wall is crafted if the foundation isn't built properly.

Once we're sure the foundation is built correctly, we must choose expertly-crafted bricks to protect our children from life's dangerous storms. We must pay close attention to each and every brick, and smoothly connect them with the proper amounts of accurately-mixed mortar. Yes, friends, our glorious task is to build our children's brick walls solidly enough to withstand the sorrows and disappointments they will inevitably experience.

But we also want to create walls that will bring feelings of joy, satisfaction, success and love to their houses! For there is nothing worse than a perfectly-built, cold, sterile house! Yes, we also need to create beautiful walls of warmth for our children!

As we work, we would do well to ask ourselves, "Have I chosen the best bricks for my child's house? Have I laid my child's bricks precisely and solidly enough to last his/her entire life? Have I taken the necessary time to properly mix and smooth the mortar, so there will be no gaps or holes in my child's walls? Is the mortar I've chosen strong enough to hold everything together? Will these walls sustain the warmth that's necessary to create a loving and happy life for my child?"

Or, after we've already built several walls, will we discover that our children's foundations are cracking, leaking or crumbling? Will we find that we've chosen improperly made bricks? Will we be careless in the way we lay those bricks and mortar? Will the endlessly harsh, worldly elements—that continually beat on our children's souls—seep through the mortar? Will the walls we've built suck the warmth out of our children's rooms and make their houses feel stark and empty?

I want to build my children's walls with excellent care. I want to be able to look back with fondness on my children's childhoods and see that I paid the utmost attention to how their walls were constructed. I want to be a present parent! I don't want to entrust the building of my children's walls to an apprentice or a subcontractor!

Yes, there will be extended family members, friends, teachers and church members who contribute to the building of my children's walls, and I am grateful for their good influence, but I want the majority of the construction work to be done by my husband and me.

Thus, let's be the valiantly strong parents that our children need and deserve! Let's not be sissies! :)

Paramount Parents

It's no secret that I'm a most emphatic supporter of the family. I have always been this way, from day one of my earliest memories. I will be shamelessly and unconditionally devoted to promoting happy families until my very last breath!

So today as I read an article that connected me to the UNICEF webpage, "Convention on the Rights of the Child," I had a mighty strong gut reaction. Here is a snippet of what they are promoting:

"Nearly 25 years ago, the world made a promise to children: that we would do everything in our power to protect and promote their rights to survive and thrive, to learn and grow, to make their voices heard and to reach their full potential...

"In spite of the overall gains, there are many children who have fallen even further behind. Old challenges have combined with new problems to deprive many children of their rights and the benefits of development.

"To meet these challenges, and to reach those children who are hardest to reach, we need new ways of thinking and new ways of doing."

I found it interesting that 192 countries have ratified the treaty, and The United States is not one of them.

Before I continue, please let me clarify that I am so very happy for people trying to help the children of the world! I absolutely high-five! their wonderful life-improving efforts. I want support and love for all of our Heavenly Father's (God's) beautiful babies! Oh, how I love babies! I want all babies/children to be loved, safe, protected, happy, healthy and intelligent. My list could go on and on!

Yet, in that same child-adoring breath, I'm frustrated with the seemingly lack of good parents. As a society, we need to find a better way to prepare the young people of our world to become paramount parents! (I'm not talking about the movie company, but the definition of paramount, which is supreme or very important!) Truly selfless, honest, kind, thoughtful, caring, loving, good parents are THE answer to all of the problems that UNICEF is trying to solve!

It's so important to raise children well, but what happens when those children are raised—what then? They've been taught many things, like how to take care of themselves, how to learn, how to work, how to be financially responsible, and hopefully how to serve others, but have those "saved" children been taught how to become good parents? It's worth serious consideration because those babies turn into the children who become the adults that are the parents who might end up neglecting the very babies they've created!

Parents need to be thinking of their children's best interests at all times—yes, it's an actual need for all children.

Before anyone gets all "Oh, what does she know?!", please let me state that I understand the need for self-care. I understand the value of making sure a mother or father is well-nourished—in every sense of the word. Whether spiritually, physically, mentally or emotionally, parents absolutely need to be well-cared for—just like the airlines clearly state in their flight-prep speeches they give before take-off. We parents must put on our own oxygen masks first, so we can attend to our children's oxygen-masks and other needs. If we're unconscious, we can't help at all!

That said, I've seen way too many parents more interested in promoting their own life agendas, than in taking good care of their children and it absolutely breaks my heart.

I admit, I've had my moments of "just a minute, honey," or "I'm almost done, just wait one more second," when I should have responded much more quickly. Does that mean we should spoil our children? Well, in terms of love, I don't think we can ever fully spoil our children!

*Seriously, we need to do everything within our power to help our children unequivocally understand that they are loved by their parents! There should be no room for doubt in this area.*

If we're talking about too much permissiveness, or things we give to our children, then, yes, we can absolutely spoil our children. Parents must learn to make the distinction between unconditional love and spoilage.

I could go on and on about this topic for hours. But I guess what it really comes down to is this:

Parents need to be the paramount figures in their child's life.

Parents need to constantly evaluate their lives and ask themselves, "Am I doing what is truly best for my child?"

And I fully understand that parents aren't perfect—we absolutely have our limitations! But we parents need to look very seriously at our souls and make sure that we are doing our utmost best for our children on a daily—and sometimes minute by minute—basis! If we don't do what is best for our children, who will?

Are we going to depend on some world government organization to parent our children for us?

Parents need to remember that childhood lasts such a brief period of time. When our babies are grown, there is no going back—there is no do-over in parenting!

I know many people lament the fact that they have regrets in their lives, but I wonder how many of us think about the consequences of our parenting? Will we endlessly replay the moments of our children's lives and say, "Oh, how I wish I would have done/said ______________, instead of ______________!"

There is no debate that every child was created through the egg of a woman and the sperm of a man, and grown inside the womb of its mother. Think about that amazing fact! There is literally no other way for a child to be born—except through a woman and a man. Because of that fact, each baby born is the "perfect" combination of two people. (Yes, I fully know that no one is perfect, but you know what I mean.) Thus, each and every baby deserves to be loved unconditionally by their mother and father until their dying day!

By the way, I continually wish, hope, and pray that every child is born out of love, but sadly, I know that that is not always the case. Thankfully, that scenario is the exception rather than the rule. Hopefully those "unwanted" children will be adopted by wonderful new parents who will love them as their own.

It's absolutely magical for me to see that my children resemble their father and me in so many ways. I believe strongly that this "Hey! You look like me!" situation we parents find ourselves in was our Heavenly Father's way to endear our children to us. I'm similarly fascinated to see parts of myself in my parents!

Again, my physical characteristics endear me to my parents. I look at my parents and know that it's literally because of them that I'm here and have this wonderful body. Even though I'm a grown woman, the love I have for my parents grows each and every time I think about how I actually came from them. Every child deserves to feel that way! :)

I truly believe if every parent actively chose to spend the necessary and quality time with their child, we would not see as many problems in our world. Yet, I have complete compassion and empathy for those parents who were mistreated during their formative years, as they might not know how to parent their own children. It's a vicious cycle that must be stopped. We can do better...we can be better parents! :)

So, yes, UNICEF has the right idea of helping all of the children in this world, but we parents must step up! No matter how much money we make, or how much time we have, or where we live, or what talents/disabilities we have, or what we believe, we parents need to do for our children what no other organization can do!

Yes, I typed other organization because I truly believe the family is the greatest organization! And parents are the presidents of that organization! :)

In a child's life, there is no adequate substitute for the love, care, concern and precious time of his or her parents. Of course many other people can love and help a child when there's no option of biological parental involvement, and I'm so grateful for those wonderful, caring, selfless souls, but I believe a child's ideal growing-up situation is to be nurtured by their own flesh and blood. It's those invisible DNA threads that secure children to their parents. We parents must never stop working to keep our invisible threads tightly connected to our babies until they are grown and ready to move-on in their lives. Then, we must do our best to help our children understand what needs to be done to raise their own children well! :)

This is my beloved family, circa 2006. They mean more to me than anything!

*Followup disclaimer: I understand that there are certain life situations that some parents find themselves in that are less than ideal. I understand that adoption is a wonderful option for parents who truly can't raise their precious children. I understand that adoption is a huge blessing to couples facing infertility. My post in no way diminishes what those parents—birth or adoptive—go through. I truly can't imagine the heartache involved on either side.

I also understand that there are some parents who are a danger to their children. Obviously, the safety of the child is of utmost importance.

I've simply written what I feel is the best option for children when parents are capable of raising their children. That said, I know there are always exceptions to the rule. Thankfully, children are resilient!

I'm not trying to make anyone feel badly. I'm just expressing my opinion as I see it, from my 14+ years of experience as a stay-at-home-mother, volunteering in countless school and church classrooms, and after nannying for four separate families—two full-time positions before marriage and two very part-time positions after my children were in school full-time. (Actually, in my last two part-time positions, I think I was more of a sitter than a nanny.)

Yet at the same time, if my words can help someone in this vast world choose to be a better parent, then that makes me super happy! :)