For my family's family home evening this past Monday night, I chose two of BYUTV's amazing Turning Point episodes for us to watch: San Pasqual Academy and The Clarks.
After watching those two inspiring videos on my own, I felt so strongly that my children absolutely needed to learn life lessons from those sweet children in California's foster care system, and especially from the wonderful Clark family. And I knew that our family home evening was the perfect opportunity for us to learn together! 😊
While those Turning Point episodes show the immense value of solid/good personal relationships, they especially point out the vast importance of families—which begin from having good parents (and grandparents, whenever possible)!
When my family finished watching San Pasqual Academy and The Clarks, Greg and I had a fairly long conversation with our children about life.
Greg and I reminded our children how incredibly blessed we are to have each other in our very own eternal family! We already have everything those darling foster-care children were seeking and desired so deeply within their lonely, lost souls. No one can ever put a price on the earthly and eternal bond my family has!
We pointed out that San Diego County finally realized—after interviewing many foster-care children—just how invaluable the basic family structure is—including mothers, fathers, children, grandparents, etc. I wanted our children to internalize that those elected officials in California thought it important enough to recreate traditional families for many foster-care children who had lost all hope.
Greg and I helped our "babies" understand that if children are going to be successful, they always need good mothers and fathers in their lives that possess consistent and correct parenting skills!
We also discussed how the amazing Clark parents taught through their example that selflessness, pure love and endless dedication is needed in raising children well. Those same vital principles also apply to children contributing to the happiness of their families. The 21 loving, responsible, kind and cooperative Clark children were a sight to behold! And I've already hoisted Mary Beth and Scott Clark (the amazing parents) on a pretty sizable pedestal! 😉
Greg and I have talked with our children umpteen times about the great importance of parents having a good marriage, but we pointed it out again because we can never undervalue the fact that a solid, loving marriage is what keeps every family going in the right direction!
Our children understand that while no one is perfect, all of us can try to improve ourselves daily! And after watching those two lovely Turning Point videos, I dearly hope my darlings further internalized that family members really can help each other be happy and become better people!
Gratitude was also a big focus of our night. Greg and I really wanted our children (and us!) to remember to be sooo grateful for our lives and the opportunities we've been given! But we also wanted them to realize that even if people don't have the best upbringing, they can still make good choices and live productive, happy lives!
Most importantly, Greg and I helped our children see that each of us can make a very positive impact in this world! Even though we may feel like our lives are small, or they don't matter much, that's most definitely not the case! Every child, sibling and parent can make a difference in someone else's life—even if it's just our own life for a little while! Yes, sometimes we need to work on ourselves before we can branch out and help someone else. But I believe the ultimate goal of this life is for everyone to be happy and to love and serve others to the very best of our abilities—just like Jesus Christ did. 😊
As you may have guessed, our children weren't too thrilled with Greg and I taking away so much time from their Monday night of technology fun. Yes, my babies were very verbal about their unhappiness with our family home evening decision 😒. Yet I did not care how bothered they were because our FHE was worth every single one of those little frustrations! 😊
I love that I accomplished my goal of carving out our essential family togetherness time—especially when I knew it was going to be a battle to have such a l-o-n-g (in their eyes) family home evening. Yet despite my darlings' complaints, I know our family-focused family home evening bonded us and will be remembered for even longer—and that's what really matters!
And now, for your viewing pleasure, here are the wonderful Turning Point episodes—complete with beautiful, uplifting music(!)—that taught my children so much! *FYI, you can turn off the closed captioning by clicking on the "cc" sign and clicking the "on" to "off."
San Pasqual Academy:
The Clarks:
P.S. Please feel free to use this FHE lesson idea and pass it along to others! I know it will impact your family for the better! 😀 Plus, I'd love the entire world to fully internalize just how important good parenting is! Let's spread the word that there is nothing better than having dedicated, Paramount Parents!
Showing posts with label childhood. Show all posts
Showing posts with label childhood. Show all posts
Wednesday, December 21, 2016
Thursday, June 23, 2016
I'm still here!
Hi! So you might be wondering where I've been. Well, I'm still here! I've just been so incredibly busy with my family, church responsibilities, teaching piano lessons, vacationing, being injured (that's a story for another day), and living life, that I've not been able to blog like I want. I hope to be able to return to a regular blogging schedule within a few weeks! Until then, just know that no news is good news!
I still love blogging and I miss it tremendously! I simply know what the most important things are in my life, and I'm doing my best to keep everything in the proper perspective. These days with my sweet little family are precious and fleeting, thus I don't want to miss a second of my time with them! :)
I still love blogging and I miss it tremendously! I simply know what the most important things are in my life, and I'm doing my best to keep everything in the proper perspective. These days with my sweet little family are precious and fleeting, thus I don't want to miss a second of my time with them! :)
Sunday, December 13, 2015
A Mother's A
Tonight's quick post was spurred by an article I feel the need to share, "The Price We Pay for an A," by Katie Stirling. I recommend reading it if you have the time so you'll better understand where my opinions are coming from. :)
Before you continue reading , please know that I mean no offense to anyone who has made different life choices than me. I'm simply sharing my thoughts because I think every mother can learn from Mrs. Sterling's choices. It's a good read, but also hard to read because all I could think about were her crying children! #bustmyheart! :(
I find it fascinating that even though the author ultimately made the right decision to sell her business (Good for her! Seriously!), she admitted she's not yet cured of her A-seeking "illness." I also find it sad that she considers herself to be "just a mom." :( Yet I wonder, did she mean that phrase in a sarcastic way? I admit I'm not a great in the ways of interpreting or delivering sarcasm, so I'm not sure.
Her article definitely makes me wonder what her children will say when they're grown...
I wish Mrs. Sterling could have the attitude of desiring nothing more than to be a top-tiered mother (until her children are grown), for there are many ways to gain a "Mother's A"—trust me, they are enough!! :) I'm constantly evaluating myself as a mother, and many days, I totally give myself a big, chunky-font A with a happy gold star! Ha ha. And when I don't deserve a Mother's A, I take a step back, review the objectives/expectations of my job description and mentally rewrite my goals for the next day/week/month/year(s). While we're at it, let's remember that every person's definition of success is different!
The amazing gift of motherhood is the ability to know immediately how we're doing. Our children give us instant feedback, so there's no need for a quarterly review. We'll never have to wonder where we land in our children's end-of-the-year performance ranking! Ha ha.
Reading things like "The Price We Pay for an A" instantly reminds me how happy I am that Greg and I have absolutely done what was needed (every time!) to keep me home with our children—despite the fact that we've been endlessly tight on money. The choices we've made as a happily married couple are worth every missing penny because we know our kids were played with, cared for and raised by their own engaged and available mother! :) Meaning I'm engaged with my children, and I'm available anytime they need me! Well, as close to 100% of the time as a person can get.
I sincerely hope every mother decides that earning a Mother's A is enough! For the good "grades" we receive from raising our children well are worth much more than any reward a college, university, boss or bank could bestow upon us. :)
P.S. I'm thinking I could categorize this post as a sort of follow-up to "Hiring Out Our Future." :)
Before you continue reading , please know that I mean no offense to anyone who has made different life choices than me. I'm simply sharing my thoughts because I think every mother can learn from Mrs. Sterling's choices. It's a good read, but also hard to read because all I could think about were her crying children! #bustmyheart! :(
I find it fascinating that even though the author ultimately made the right decision to sell her business (Good for her! Seriously!), she admitted she's not yet cured of her A-seeking "illness." I also find it sad that she considers herself to be "just a mom." :( Yet I wonder, did she mean that phrase in a sarcastic way? I admit I'm not a great in the ways of interpreting or delivering sarcasm, so I'm not sure.
Her article definitely makes me wonder what her children will say when they're grown...
I wish Mrs. Sterling could have the attitude of desiring nothing more than to be a top-tiered mother (until her children are grown), for there are many ways to gain a "Mother's A"—trust me, they are enough!! :) I'm constantly evaluating myself as a mother, and many days, I totally give myself a big, chunky-font A with a happy gold star! Ha ha. And when I don't deserve a Mother's A, I take a step back, review the objectives/expectations of my job description and mentally rewrite my goals for the next day/week/month/year(s). While we're at it, let's remember that every person's definition of success is different!
The amazing gift of motherhood is the ability to know immediately how we're doing. Our children give us instant feedback, so there's no need for a quarterly review. We'll never have to wonder where we land in our children's end-of-the-year performance ranking! Ha ha.
Reading things like "The Price We Pay for an A" instantly reminds me how happy I am that Greg and I have absolutely done what was needed (every time!) to keep me home with our children—despite the fact that we've been endlessly tight on money. The choices we've made as a happily married couple are worth every missing penny because we know our kids were played with, cared for and raised by their own engaged and available mother! :) Meaning I'm engaged with my children, and I'm available anytime they need me! Well, as close to 100% of the time as a person can get.
I sincerely hope every mother decides that earning a Mother's A is enough! For the good "grades" we receive from raising our children well are worth much more than any reward a college, university, boss or bank could bestow upon us. :)
P.S. I'm thinking I could categorize this post as a sort of follow-up to "Hiring Out Our Future." :)
Thursday, October 1, 2015
Hiring Out Our Future
If you've read some of my other blog posts, you've seen my passion for parenting, raising children well and strengthening families. I write about those topics a lot because I'm right in the thick of raising my darling children, so they're constantly on my mind. Oh, how I love my two handsome boys and my beautiful daughter! So, yes, this will be another post about the importance of motherhood and fatherhood! :) If you're bored of the topic, I say, oh well! #sorrynotsorry ;) And if you choose to be offended by my words, please read my previous blog post, "Pesky Pernicious Perilous Pride." :)
I've been fiercely loyal to stay-at-home motherhood my entire life. This strong loyalty comes mainly from my sincere love and concern for the well-being of all children, but also from knowing my own mother as a stay-at-home mom and a career mom. My mom and I have talked about this issue umpteen times and we've come to an understanding about our lives and the way her magnificent teaching career affected our family, so I know she's okay with me writing about her in this way. (Hi Mom! I love you!)
Basically, it comes down to this: my life was awesome when I had a mother whose primary responsibility was her family; my life was not as great when my mother went back to work.
Don't misunderstand—my childhood family did very well in life and I'm sure we appeared quite successful to those around us. In fact, I'm guessing many people out there would hear our family's story and say, "Boohoo. Quit complaining. Your life was a walk in the park compared to mine." But when it comes right down to it, my father should not have asked my mother to go back to work so he could open his own business, and—as utterly heartbreaking as it is to see his pain—he's freely admitted his mistake.
By the way, there are so many layers involved in my childhood family's story that I don't have time or stamina to go into them here. Suffice it to say, my mom most definitely wasn't on-board with my dad's decision to have her go back to work and that decision affected all of us—in mostly negative ways. Now that our family history has been written, my dad agrees with us that my mom should have never been required to go back to teaching.
*The great paradox of my childhood family's story are the hundreds of students my mother so positively affected. She literally changed countless lives for the best because of her marvelous teaching abilities, talents and endlessly loving/happy personality. My dedicated mother was such a force for good! I know my mom's students are so grateful for her and I'm so glad they see her immense value, but our family suffered while they benefited from my mother's sacrifice. Even though I've moved-on and absolutely love my life, I regret my childhood family's loss to this day.
By the way, there are so many layers involved in my childhood family's story that I don't have time or stamina to go into them here. Suffice it to say, my mom most definitely wasn't on-board with my dad's decision to have her go back to work and that decision affected all of us—in mostly negative ways. Now that our family history has been written, my dad agrees with us that my mom should have never been required to go back to teaching.
*The great paradox of my childhood family's story are the hundreds of students my mother so positively affected. She literally changed countless lives for the best because of her marvelous teaching abilities, talents and endlessly loving/happy personality. My dedicated mother was such a force for good! I know my mom's students are so grateful for her and I'm so glad they see her immense value, but our family suffered while they benefited from my mother's sacrifice. Even though I've moved-on and absolutely love my life, I regret my childhood family's loss to this day.
I'm guessing my younger sisters didn't feel so sad about my mom going back to work because they were just that: too young to remember the difference. I, on the other hand, vividly remember the difference in my mother before she went back to work and after she became a career woman.
My sweet mama always passionately states that she wishes she could have been a full-time stay-at-home mom more than anything! At least she had the opportunity to stay home with her children for about 14 years. And you'd better believe I am so thankful for those 12 years I had with my mom at home!!! In our general society, I'm guessing most people think that 14 years is way too long to stay home with your children. But in a child's mind, I'm guessing they never want their mother to leave home—because I felt exactly that way.
My sweet mama always passionately states that she wishes she could have been a full-time stay-at-home mom more than anything! At least she had the opportunity to stay home with her children for about 14 years. And you'd better believe I am so thankful for those 12 years I had with my mom at home!!! In our general society, I'm guessing most people think that 14 years is way too long to stay home with your children. But in a child's mind, I'm guessing they never want their mother to leave home—because I felt exactly that way.
Thus, I've been disturbed again (what else is new?! ha ha) with what is going on in our world. Call me a broken record, but I firmly believe all of our world's woes come from children being raised by people other than their happily-married parents. Children need to be raised by their mothers and fathers! Call me a traditionalist (I'll take that as a compliment!), but I still believe mothers are the best day-in and day-out caregivers to their children. Yet if a father is able to be a stay-at-home dad, I'm all for it! :)
What I'm saying (and will continue firmly stating until the day I die!), is that children need at least one parent home raising them at all times. That parental influence needs to stay with the child until he/she has graduated from high school! Of course, dating and occasional short vacations (for parents) away from home are okay and good for every family (as long as another competent caregiver is present), but parents shouldn't be the occasional caregivers that show up between work hours or social events.
What I'm saying (and will continue firmly stating until the day I die!), is that children need at least one parent home raising them at all times. That parental influence needs to stay with the child until he/she has graduated from high school! Of course, dating and occasional short vacations (for parents) away from home are okay and good for every family (as long as another competent caregiver is present), but parents shouldn't be the occasional caregivers that show up between work hours or social events.
My strong feelings for this post were spurred by a few articles I stumbled across over the past several weeks. For starters, I read about Marissa Mayer's scheduled upcoming 14-day maternity leave in this LinkedIn article, "How Marissa Mayer's Maternity Decision Affects Young Women—Whether She Likes It Or Not." (Marissa Mayer is Yahoo's CEO.) I seriously wonder what Ms. Mayer thinking? At the very least, she should remain at home for six weeks to allow her body to heal from delivering her twins! Don't agree with me? Read, "Postpartum: First 6 Weeks After Childbirth—Recovery At Home," by WebMD, and you might change your mind. Thinking about the two babies at home who will need Mrs. Mayer—and deserve her!—makes me want to cry. Every baby needs their mother!
I also clicked on the link inside the above-listed article that took me to Time Magazine's article, "Matt Lauer Asked Mary Barra If She Can Be a Good Mom and Run GM" (the title is self explanatory). I shuddered when Mary Barra said, "I’m pretty proud of the way my kids are supporting me in this." Seriously? The way your kids are supporting you in this? Um, Mrs. Barra, parenting works the other way around: we must support our children in every way possible as they grow and until they leave our nests!
Both of those articles convey the problem with our society: children are often viewed as assets to be managed, not raised. I sound unbelievably harsh, but I can't stop wondering: why do parents have children if they're just going to hand them off to nannies, daycare and after-school programs?! And no, I don't want people to stop having children...I just want children to receive the proper and continuous attention they deserve from their parents! :)
Hey, I get it. There are certain times when outside childcare is necessary for survival. The lovely family I nannied for in Michigan was in a tight spot: divorced/single mother of a special-needs child. That precious soul with Down Syndrome and Autism was precisely why I wanted to become a nanny: because I knew his sweet mother literally couldn't do it all by herself. If she didn't work, where would they live—how would they survive? The same generosity applies to single fathers, widows and widowers. Thus, I knew my intense love for helping children grow and progress was exactly what that darling single-parent/special-needs-child family needed. I was so happy with my chosen "profession"!
But for those families that are in the sweet spot of having two living married parents, why won't one of them stay home full-time to care for their child(ren)? Why won't they alternate the stay-at-home parenting duties between husband and wife?
A few weeks ago while folding laundry, I decided to watch the series finale of Melissa and Joey on Netflix. Despite their differences in lifestyle choices from mine (lack of following the Word of Wisdom; and major morality issues), I greatly enjoyed their chemistry and some of the story lines—they really made me laugh! But at the end of the episode (spoiler alert!), I was more than disappointed when Mel decided to still run for congress even though she found out she was pregnant with twins. Part of the last scene played out like this:
Mel: Someone wants to publish your book? That's great!
Joe: Well, yeah, I know, but it's not gonna happen.
Mel: Why not?
Joe: Why not? Because read on, honey, they also want me to do a big book tour.
Mel: That's fantastic!
Joe: No, no, it's not fan... Com'on, we can't have twins, run for congress and a book tour—that's not gonna work.
Mel: Are you kidding, Joe? That's the starter pistol. Bang! (That's another part of the story earlier in the episode.)
Joe: Do you really think we can do it?
Mel: We'll hire a nanny!
Insert Adrie's commentary: A nanny is not the answer! Aahh!
At that very moment I thought, "Melissa and Joey's mentality is precisely what's wrong with our society—everyone is hiring out our future!" And after everyone has hired out our future—i.e., raising the children of this world through nannies, daycare and after-school programs—they have the audacity to wonder what is happening in our world! It is very frustrating to me.
Granted, I know not everyone is struggling. There are a lot of happy families and I'm so very grateful for their wonderful influence on our world! :) But the endlessly tragic/horrific news stories—that seem to get worse with each passing year—have everything to do with the way our world's children aren't being raised enough by their parents.
Children are crying out for the unconditional love, attention and time of their parents. When those special spirits (every child is important!) don't receive what they need at home, they look elsewhere to fill their "love buckets." Sometimes they land in a good spot with good people to teach, mentor and love them, but more often than not, those soul-wearied children end up in situations that turn them into less than our Heavenly Father intended, which is a true tragedy.
Many of those children recover from their less-than-stellar childhoods and go on to live very good lives—and I strongly believe every adult is responsible for their own happiness. Yet countless other children stay in their sad lives and become the adults who are unable to see another way to live. Sadly, when those lost children become parents, the regrettable cycle continues.
I admit, there are dismal childhood outcomes for stay-at-home parents, too, despite their best efforts. I know stay-at-home parenting isn't the 100% cure-all for every problem in our world—but it comes pretty darn close at 98%! ;) (That's my personal figure. Ha ha.) That said, I wish I could spread my soul's feelings/thoughts to every corner of our universe:
Children need their parents at every single stage of their lives! Just because a baby won't have memories until they are two, that doesn't mean said baby doesn't need a constant and consistent caregiver, i.e., a stay-at-home mother or father! Just because a pre-teen is ultra capable and responsible "above their years," that doesn't mean said older child doesn't need a parent who is daily involved in supervising their growth. Just because a teenager earns great grades, or is a fantastic athlete, or is super popular in school, or has a bright future with a college scholarship (how exciting!), that doesn't mean said teenager doesn't need a parent to come home to every day after school, and one who can stay up late to hear about every date!
*I also think children who are forced to grow up too quickly have major life struggles that could be avoided if they were simply allowed to be children until the proper time.
My list of children's needs go on and on. I'm sure many people reading my blog posts are tired of hearing me say the same things over and over. (Is anyone still reading?!) Yet I cannot get my feelings (about raising children) out of my mind, and my blog is my favorite place to share my thoughts! :) Besides, my thinking eventually returns to, "There has to be someone, somewhere, reading my post who will make the best choice for their family and become (or continue being) an attentive/engaged stay-at-home parent! Surely they'll realize their sacrifices can instantly change their child's life for the best and just do it!" At least I have hope that my words can help somehow! :)
Recently, I was so excited to see the conclusion to an article I read three years ago on The Atlantic (I love that magazine!) because it definitely helps support my feelings. I'll talk about the first article, then the most recent article.
In 2012, I eagerly read "Why Women Still Can’t Have It All," by Anne-Marie Slaughter, July/August 2012 Issue. Based on the title, I initially thought how great it would be to read an article by a successful career woman and mother who was willing to lay it out so plainly: that women cannot have career and family success at the same time—that one of them will suffer, and we ladies must choose. I dearly hoped she chose full-time stay-at-home motherhood! Instead, I was disappointed to read these sentences:
My view of motherhood resembles this: picture in your mind children happily playing, working or studying. Their mother is in the same room, working on whatever it is she needs or wants to get done, but she is available to help her children out whenever they need her. Obviously, the mother is available to the realistic extent possible because I know no mother is available literally every minute of every day. Mothers are not slaves. Children need to be taught the value of patience and that the word "no" is a part of everyday life. But my point (in my view of motherhood) is that all children should be given the opportunity to learn, grow and enjoy life with their mothers nearby. Then the mother is able to successfully interact with her children in happy/fun/intelligent/kind ways, and make needed course corrections as they arise. The mother certainly doesn't need to hover, but there is such a peaceful feeling children receive just by knowing for sure their mother is completely there for them—in every sense of the word! :)
Later in the article, Ms. Slaughter made the statement, "The discipline, organization, and sheer endurance it takes to succeed at top levels with young children at home is easily comparable to running 20 to 40 miles a week." I understand she's stating how hard it is for women to break into a man's career world, but when mothers are raising their children, I say motherhood is the ultimate career! Succeeding at "top levels" doesn't have to include a paycheck in your mailbox every two weeks or a glowing year-end review with a Christmas bonus!
To use Anne-Marie's own words, "Our assumptions are just that: things we believe that are not necessarily so." Nope, it's not necessary to have the immaculate business office, a beautiful view of the city, an envious pension plan, the fancy job title, and an amazing paycheck with the prestige and honor to match, for the title of Mother supersedes it all. Yes, ladies, once our children are raised, we'll have plenty of time to climb to the very tip-top of whatever career we choose—while simultaneously shoveling piles of money aside! Ha ha.
But I digress...
One of Mrs. Slaughter's sentences, "Perhaps the most encouraging news of all for achieving the sorts of changes that I have proposed is that men are joining the cause." is the perfect lead-in to the follow-up article in The Atlantic, "Why I Put My Wife’s Career First," by Andrew Moravcsik, October 2015 Issue. The author is Anne-Marie's husband, so I was fascinated to read what he had to share about their family. Mr. Moravcsik states (these sentences are from all over the article, not right in order):
That said, I must reiterate that I truly believe with my whole heart and soul that women are best suited for the full-time job of raising of children. (As I've said before, I know sometimes that blanket statement doesn't apply to everyone.)
To further support my mama-bear thoughts, please read this sentence from Andrew's article, "Despite their superior performance in college, surprisingly few women reach the pinnacles of professional success..." *If that previous sentence is true, then women really are the best candidates for the job of raising children! Take that! Ha ha. Sorry, I just couldn't resist throwing that fabulous tidbit in there. ;) And Dr. Bill Sears agrees with me (no, I've never met him, but I'd like to!):
In all seriousness, I'm grateful there are fathers willing to sacrifice and take on the primary responsibilities of raising children. Their families will be blessed for their selfless efforts!
Please understand that I know parenting is difficult. I'm an imperfect mother and have much to work on. I know how hard staying home and raising children can be because I've been doing it for the past 15+ years! I know the feeling of "missing out" on corporate pats-on-the-back; raises; bonuses; recognition dinners; awards; certificates; new wardrobes for work; traveling abroad; adult conversation; company parties, etc. I'm intimately familiar with the feelings that come from child-induced sleepless nights; hunger pangs because I'm too busy caring for children to eat; crumby floors when I just vacuumed(!); crying fits (mainly from my children but occasionally from me! ha ha); multiple shopping trips in one day (this happened even before our children were diagnosed with celiac disease); loneliness when children return to school; endless budgeting from making it on only one income; repeatedly staring at our food, wondering what to make for dinner; driving/owning loud, old cars; never-ending laundry piles; dishes that seem to multiply overnight; chauffeuring children around until my hiney is numb...my list could go on for days! Oh, and I can't forget my postponed desires to blog on a consistent and regular basis—it's taken me a solid month to get this blog post and typographic designs published! Can you say frustrated?! Ha ha.
Here is evidence of just how tiring mothering can be:
Yes, that cleverly dressed young mother is me! Greg came home from work one day and busted up laughing at the spectacle of his wife—he had to take my photo! (And I'm really grateful he did. Our family's photos are priceless to me!!!) You see, at that time, my youngest son was a total mama's boy. He wouldn't let me out of his sight without wailing something fierce! Thus, I did the best I could by wearing him on my back for several hours a day. We went everywhere like this—including the grocery store! (People would just stare at me with my son on my back, my daughter in the front seat of the shopping cart, and my oldest son holding my hand.) My awesome hat was so necessary, you have no idea! My baby boy loved to play with my hair (still does!), so to keep my sanity (and my hair in its roots where it belongs!), I put my hair in a bun and a hat on top! My horrible outfit was chosen because I would get very sweaty hefting my darling son while cleaning our house and I didn't want to ruin my nicer clothes. And you have no idea how much I wanted to curl up on our couch just like my darling and sassy daughter! HA! So, do you see? I totally get how hard parenting is! :)
Yet none of those previously mentioned "difficults" will ever come between my children and me—or my husband and me, for that matter! As tiring as it is being a stay-at-home mom, I wouldn't change a smidgen of my life's greatest choice! Besides, I potentially have less than three years left before my oldest son is out of the house, and only seven years until I could be an empty-nester! Say what?! I don't know when my daughter will choose to leave home, but she said she wants to get an apartment after high school. Those thoughts blow my mind.
Thank goodness Greg and I were on the same page from our very first conversation about our potential for parenthood. How grateful I am to Greg that he supported me in my dream of stay-at-home motherhood because I would have been greatly disappointed if he would have wanted me to be the breadwinner, or have both of us work outside the home. Our lives would look completely different today if we had hired out our future, i.e., paid someone else raise our children.
I recently read this wonderful quote given by Elder D. Todd Christofferson (of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints) at the World Meeting of Families:
Elder Christofferson's last sentence is key. We parents must be willing to make the necessary sacrifices that allow our Heavenly Father the opportunity to raise His children well, through us. Who better to continually love, care for and raise God's children than the parents he appointed through birth?! :) Not only do we please and honor our Heavenly Father in that wonderful process of serving our children (His children!), we absolutely become better people!
I have hope that one day the people of our world will look to the examples set by stay-at-home parents as the healthiest way to raise children and follow suit. I'd love it if parents would examine the sacrifices associated with raising children and, instead, view them as indispensable blessings: a lifetime of opportunities for self-improvement! My dreams for society might never be realized, but at least I'm living my dream and actively raising Greg's and my children 100%! :)
I truly believe there is nothing more beautiful in this world than happy traditional marriages followed immediately by glorious motherhood and fatherhood! I say to everyone:
I admit, there are dismal childhood outcomes for stay-at-home parents, too, despite their best efforts. I know stay-at-home parenting isn't the 100% cure-all for every problem in our world—but it comes pretty darn close at 98%! ;) (That's my personal figure. Ha ha.) That said, I wish I could spread my soul's feelings/thoughts to every corner of our universe:
Children need their parents at every single stage of their lives! Just because a baby won't have memories until they are two, that doesn't mean said baby doesn't need a constant and consistent caregiver, i.e., a stay-at-home mother or father! Just because a pre-teen is ultra capable and responsible "above their years," that doesn't mean said older child doesn't need a parent who is daily involved in supervising their growth. Just because a teenager earns great grades, or is a fantastic athlete, or is super popular in school, or has a bright future with a college scholarship (how exciting!), that doesn't mean said teenager doesn't need a parent to come home to every day after school, and one who can stay up late to hear about every date!
*I also think children who are forced to grow up too quickly have major life struggles that could be avoided if they were simply allowed to be children until the proper time.
My list of children's needs go on and on. I'm sure many people reading my blog posts are tired of hearing me say the same things over and over. (Is anyone still reading?!) Yet I cannot get my feelings (about raising children) out of my mind, and my blog is my favorite place to share my thoughts! :) Besides, my thinking eventually returns to, "There has to be someone, somewhere, reading my post who will make the best choice for their family and become (or continue being) an attentive/engaged stay-at-home parent! Surely they'll realize their sacrifices can instantly change their child's life for the best and just do it!" At least I have hope that my words can help somehow! :)
Recently, I was so excited to see the conclusion to an article I read three years ago on The Atlantic (I love that magazine!) because it definitely helps support my feelings. I'll talk about the first article, then the most recent article.
In 2012, I eagerly read "Why Women Still Can’t Have It All," by Anne-Marie Slaughter, July/August 2012 Issue. Based on the title, I initially thought how great it would be to read an article by a successful career woman and mother who was willing to lay it out so plainly: that women cannot have career and family success at the same time—that one of them will suffer, and we ladies must choose. I dearly hoped she chose full-time stay-at-home motherhood! Instead, I was disappointed to read these sentences:
"I still strongly believe that women can 'have it all' (and that men can too). I believe that we can 'have it all at the same time.' But not today, not with the way America’s economy and society are currently structured."and
"...I had the ability to set my own schedule most of the time. I could be with my kids when I needed to be, and still get the work done."I still get so riled up by her words because, again, the author's thoughts seems to be focused more about what she (the mother) wants, not what is best for her children! It's another classic example of the mother fitting her children into her schedule—when it's convenient for her—instead of being available when her children need her.
My view of motherhood resembles this: picture in your mind children happily playing, working or studying. Their mother is in the same room, working on whatever it is she needs or wants to get done, but she is available to help her children out whenever they need her. Obviously, the mother is available to the realistic extent possible because I know no mother is available literally every minute of every day. Mothers are not slaves. Children need to be taught the value of patience and that the word "no" is a part of everyday life. But my point (in my view of motherhood) is that all children should be given the opportunity to learn, grow and enjoy life with their mothers nearby. Then the mother is able to successfully interact with her children in happy/fun/intelligent/kind ways, and make needed course corrections as they arise. The mother certainly doesn't need to hover, but there is such a peaceful feeling children receive just by knowing for sure their mother is completely there for them—in every sense of the word! :)
To use Anne-Marie's own words, "Our assumptions are just that: things we believe that are not necessarily so." Nope, it's not necessary to have the immaculate business office, a beautiful view of the city, an envious pension plan, the fancy job title, and an amazing paycheck with the prestige and honor to match, for the title of Mother supersedes it all. Yes, ladies, once our children are raised, we'll have plenty of time to climb to the very tip-top of whatever career we choose—while simultaneously shoveling piles of money aside! Ha ha.
But I digress...
One of Mrs. Slaughter's sentences, "Perhaps the most encouraging news of all for achieving the sorts of changes that I have proposed is that men are joining the cause." is the perfect lead-in to the follow-up article in The Atlantic, "Why I Put My Wife’s Career First," by Andrew Moravcsik, October 2015 Issue. The author is Anne-Marie's husband, so I was fascinated to read what he had to share about their family. Mr. Moravcsik states (these sentences are from all over the article, not right in order):
"A female executive needs what male CEOs have always had: a spouse who bears the burden at home."
"...most two-career families sooner or later find that one person falls into the role of lead parent."
"Lead parenting is being on the front lines of everyday life."
"Lead parenting is not merely its own reward; it also unlocks a capacity for caring and closeness that can last a lifetime."
"Despite many days of weariness, I would never give up my years of being what the journalist Katrin Bennhold has called 'The One'... ...When my sons turn to me in this way, I feel a pride that is in many respects deeper than any pride I have experienced professionally."Yes, Mr. Moravcsik gets it! :) I'm glad his wife and sons have him in their lives! His choice to be the lead parent is precisely the example other husbands and wives can look to when the mother wants to pursue a career outside the home. Yet I still would have recommended that he be the stay-at-home father—but a lead parent is better than a nanny, daycare or after-school programs! :)
That said, I must reiterate that I truly believe with my whole heart and soul that women are best suited for the full-time job of raising of children. (As I've said before, I know sometimes that blanket statement doesn't apply to everyone.)
To further support my mama-bear thoughts, please read this sentence from Andrew's article, "Despite their superior performance in college, surprisingly few women reach the pinnacles of professional success..." *If that previous sentence is true, then women really are the best candidates for the job of raising children! Take that! Ha ha. Sorry, I just couldn't resist throwing that fabulous tidbit in there. ;) And Dr. Bill Sears agrees with me (no, I've never met him, but I'd like to!):
"To your baby, you are the best mother." – William Sears, The Attachment Parenting Book : A Commonsense Guide to Understanding and Nurturing Your Baby.Of course, his wonderful advice applies to our children as they continue growing—not just when they're babies! (Click here if you'd like to read more of Dr. Sears' fabulous quotes.)
In all seriousness, I'm grateful there are fathers willing to sacrifice and take on the primary responsibilities of raising children. Their families will be blessed for their selfless efforts!
Please understand that I know parenting is difficult. I'm an imperfect mother and have much to work on. I know how hard staying home and raising children can be because I've been doing it for the past 15+ years! I know the feeling of "missing out" on corporate pats-on-the-back; raises; bonuses; recognition dinners; awards; certificates; new wardrobes for work; traveling abroad; adult conversation; company parties, etc. I'm intimately familiar with the feelings that come from child-induced sleepless nights; hunger pangs because I'm too busy caring for children to eat; crumby floors when I just vacuumed(!); crying fits (mainly from my children but occasionally from me! ha ha); multiple shopping trips in one day (this happened even before our children were diagnosed with celiac disease); loneliness when children return to school; endless budgeting from making it on only one income; repeatedly staring at our food, wondering what to make for dinner; driving/owning loud, old cars; never-ending laundry piles; dishes that seem to multiply overnight; chauffeuring children around until my hiney is numb...my list could go on for days! Oh, and I can't forget my postponed desires to blog on a consistent and regular basis—it's taken me a solid month to get this blog post and typographic designs published! Can you say frustrated?! Ha ha.
Here is evidence of just how tiring mothering can be:
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| Survival Mode Mothering, February, 2005. |
Yet none of those previously mentioned "difficults" will ever come between my children and me—or my husband and me, for that matter! As tiring as it is being a stay-at-home mom, I wouldn't change a smidgen of my life's greatest choice! Besides, I potentially have less than three years left before my oldest son is out of the house, and only seven years until I could be an empty-nester! Say what?! I don't know when my daughter will choose to leave home, but she said she wants to get an apartment after high school. Those thoughts blow my mind.
Thank goodness Greg and I were on the same page from our very first conversation about our potential for parenthood. How grateful I am to Greg that he supported me in my dream of stay-at-home motherhood because I would have been greatly disappointed if he would have wanted me to be the breadwinner, or have both of us work outside the home. Our lives would look completely different today if we had hired out our future, i.e., paid someone else raise our children.
I recently read this wonderful quote given by Elder D. Todd Christofferson (of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints) at the World Meeting of Families:
"I've heard it said that raising children is like growing a garden. You can’t force plants and flowers to bloom when you want, the way you want, but you can do much to provide an environment that makes flourishing likely. ...The essential element is not just what we do, but what we allow God to do through us."Yes! We need to create a lovely, peaceful environment for our children to grow and thrive. When children feel unconditional love and safety, every important thing in their lives can fall beautifully into place!
Elder Christofferson's last sentence is key. We parents must be willing to make the necessary sacrifices that allow our Heavenly Father the opportunity to raise His children well, through us. Who better to continually love, care for and raise God's children than the parents he appointed through birth?! :) Not only do we please and honor our Heavenly Father in that wonderful process of serving our children (His children!), we absolutely become better people!
I have hope that one day the people of our world will look to the examples set by stay-at-home parents as the healthiest way to raise children and follow suit. I'd love it if parents would examine the sacrifices associated with raising children and, instead, view them as indispensable blessings: a lifetime of opportunities for self-improvement! My dreams for society might never be realized, but at least I'm living my dream and actively raising Greg's and my children 100%! :)
I truly believe there is nothing more beautiful in this world than happy traditional marriages followed immediately by glorious motherhood and fatherhood! I say to everyone:
Motherhood looks good on you!
Fatherhood looks good on you!
Saturday, December 27, 2014
A Snippet From My Birth
On Christmas Day, 2014, I had a deep and wonderful conversation with my father. I was so happy my dad selflessly braved the snowy Utah roads just to come visit my little family and me—his efforts meant a lot. :)
We sat on my awkward creme, blue and tan sofa (My living room could use a new sofa, but it will have to wait!), across the room from my happy little Christmas tree. My dad and I had been talking about various family memories (my childhood family) for a while when he suddenly brought up the day of my birth. He explained how long he held my mom's hand while she wearily pushed me into this world.
As he continued his description of my mother's and my event, the light in his eyes was a wonder to behold. You see, I've talked about my own children in that way—with the love that can't be matched(!)—but I don't know if I've ever witnessed/understood it when my father talked about me in that way.
The immense love and adoration in my dad's eyes was very near tear-inducing as he shared what I looked like when the nurse handed him my little-pink-bundled self. :) He basically said (not word for word) that I was such a beautiful baby, and that he was overjoyed in the moment. :)
My dad shared that immediately after I was handed to him, I looked up at him and smiled! Surprised, I asked, "Did I really smile at you?!" My dad responded something like, "YES! You really smiled at me—first thing! Ohh, Adrie, it was amazing!" He then told of how much the nurse gushed about how beautiful I was, and how she said my parents make the most beautiful babies! (The same nurse had assisted in my older brother's birth too!)
I've been pondering that moment with my father for two days now. I don't know quite how to explain what this little story has done for me, but let me assure you, it has been magical to my soul! Simply seeing the love in my father's eyes, hearing the love, excitement, and joy in his voice for me, well, it filled my heart to overflowing. Knowing that I mean as much to my father as my children mean to me was enough to make me tear up a little—and I get a little teary even now when I think back to that moment...happy tears, of course!
Please don't get me wrong, I've known my entire life that my dad absolutely loves me. As a teenager, I doubted his love for a little while because I was in such a "Don't bug me!" state, but shortly after that, I completely got my dad's love for me. This experience, however, was different. It felt special—almost heavenly. My dad's heart was so completely open to me that I felt emotion from him I've not witnessed before.
I'm so thankful I was able to experience my birth from a new and beautiful perspective. I'm beyond grateful for my parents creating me and bringing me into this world—and especially for my dear, sweet, wonderful mother! I absolutely know of her great love for me, too. I literally would not be here were it not for my parents!
If anyone is wondering what you can do for your child, please follow my father's example and share with your child how you felt on the day of their birth! Explain to them what was in your heart during that amazing time. Help them understand how precious they are to you! I promise, your child will be forever changed in a most positive way!
What I love most about this experience—besides the fact that it made me feel like a million bucks(!)—is it totally confirmed to me that Greg and I have been parenting our children in precisely the right way. For we gush about our children every chance we get!
We've hung multiple photos of our children all over our home, and provide easy access to endless photo albums and loose photos so we can revisit and remember our wonderful experiences anytime we want! Greg and I talk about our children's births with great joy, warmth, excitement and love. And we share other happy thoughts and memories with our babies every chance we get!
Some might say Greg and I have gushed too much over our precious children, but after this experience with my sweet daddy, I say no way! Based on our actions, our children could never doubt Greg's and my love for them, and that fact brings great peace to my soul. :)
Yes, Christmas, 2014, will remain forever in my memory as the day I found out that I smiled right after I was born! I love knowing I had a happy heart literally from day one!
We sat on my awkward creme, blue and tan sofa (My living room could use a new sofa, but it will have to wait!), across the room from my happy little Christmas tree. My dad and I had been talking about various family memories (my childhood family) for a while when he suddenly brought up the day of my birth. He explained how long he held my mom's hand while she wearily pushed me into this world.
As he continued his description of my mother's and my event, the light in his eyes was a wonder to behold. You see, I've talked about my own children in that way—with the love that can't be matched(!)—but I don't know if I've ever witnessed/understood it when my father talked about me in that way.
The immense love and adoration in my dad's eyes was very near tear-inducing as he shared what I looked like when the nurse handed him my little-pink-bundled self. :) He basically said (not word for word) that I was such a beautiful baby, and that he was overjoyed in the moment. :)
My dad shared that immediately after I was handed to him, I looked up at him and smiled! Surprised, I asked, "Did I really smile at you?!" My dad responded something like, "YES! You really smiled at me—first thing! Ohh, Adrie, it was amazing!" He then told of how much the nurse gushed about how beautiful I was, and how she said my parents make the most beautiful babies! (The same nurse had assisted in my older brother's birth too!)
 |
| Growing up, I loved looking at my little pink bow! |
I've been pondering that moment with my father for two days now. I don't know quite how to explain what this little story has done for me, but let me assure you, it has been magical to my soul! Simply seeing the love in my father's eyes, hearing the love, excitement, and joy in his voice for me, well, it filled my heart to overflowing. Knowing that I mean as much to my father as my children mean to me was enough to make me tear up a little—and I get a little teary even now when I think back to that moment...happy tears, of course!
Please don't get me wrong, I've known my entire life that my dad absolutely loves me. As a teenager, I doubted his love for a little while because I was in such a "Don't bug me!" state, but shortly after that, I completely got my dad's love for me. This experience, however, was different. It felt special—almost heavenly. My dad's heart was so completely open to me that I felt emotion from him I've not witnessed before.
I'm so thankful I was able to experience my birth from a new and beautiful perspective. I'm beyond grateful for my parents creating me and bringing me into this world—and especially for my dear, sweet, wonderful mother! I absolutely know of her great love for me, too. I literally would not be here were it not for my parents!
If anyone is wondering what you can do for your child, please follow my father's example and share with your child how you felt on the day of their birth! Explain to them what was in your heart during that amazing time. Help them understand how precious they are to you! I promise, your child will be forever changed in a most positive way!
What I love most about this experience—besides the fact that it made me feel like a million bucks(!)—is it totally confirmed to me that Greg and I have been parenting our children in precisely the right way. For we gush about our children every chance we get!
We've hung multiple photos of our children all over our home, and provide easy access to endless photo albums and loose photos so we can revisit and remember our wonderful experiences anytime we want! Greg and I talk about our children's births with great joy, warmth, excitement and love. And we share other happy thoughts and memories with our babies every chance we get!
Some might say Greg and I have gushed too much over our precious children, but after this experience with my sweet daddy, I say no way! Based on our actions, our children could never doubt Greg's and my love for them, and that fact brings great peace to my soul. :)
Yes, Christmas, 2014, will remain forever in my memory as the day I found out that I smiled right after I was born! I love knowing I had a happy heart literally from day one!
Monday, November 10, 2014
A Follow-up to President Obama's Speech on Women and the Economy
Last week, I had a facebook encounter that I would describe as a bit unpleasant...okay, it totally burned my butter—I was smoking mad! Ha ha. Here's what happened:
I clicked on a facebook link that discussed in very short detail, President Obama's speech on women and the economy. I was dismayed when I heard his words, "Sometimes, someone—usually mom—leaves the workplace to stay home with the kids, which then leaves her earning a lower wage for the rest of her life as a result. And that's not a choice we want Americans to make." That link was the catalyst for my inclusion of his words in my blog post Self-Reliance. I "liked" the facebook post and left a comment, sharing my disgust. As you can tell from my blog post, I was very upset at his words!
*By the by, I debated editing Self-Reliance, but decided to leave it as-is and write this post instead. You know, because, life is life! Our reactions are human and we can't completely erase how we feel like we can delete our words on a computer, we can only move forward!
Later, I saw through my facebook notifications that some other people disagreed with the initial facebook post. They shared that Pres. O wasn't attacking stay-at-home moms, and the comment was taken out of context. Thus, even though I had initially watched a majority of the video, I went back and watched the entire video. Yes, in a broad sense, I understood that he wasn't attacking stay-at-home moms and I appreciate that. Yet I feel he totally downplayed the importance of stay-at-home motherhood and I absolutely take issue with that—which is why I left my self-reliance blog post as-is.
I then left a lengthy response to those facebook comments. Before I commented, I prayed a lot and thought very long and hard about what to write. I felt really good about my words! :) (I might write a version of my comment in a blog post sometime in the future.)
However, the next morning, there were follow-up comments to my comment, and I could tell that they didn't agree with my position. I was frustrated because I felt that they weren't even trying to understand my point, so I deleted my "like" and two comments on the facebook post. I felt much better after having done so because my emotions were being negatively affected. And I know I shouldn't let people bug me, but again, I'm human. Without going into too much detail, just know that some of the comments weren't from random strangers, but my extended family members. Thus, it was hard feeling misunderstood by the people I'm attached to for life!
I was also ready to deactivate my facebook account and just keep my blog's facebook page active. I sadly realized facebook would also deactivate my Enthusiastic Fantastic page if I deleted my personal page, so I left everything open and decided to take a facebook break. However, that night, I read an amazing article, Difference and Dignity, by the Mormon Newsroom, that calmed my troubled heart. I highly recommend reading it! :)
So after all of my blabbing, what it comes down to is this: Many people in this world—including President Obama—are passionate about women's rights. I don't want anyone thinking I disagree with supporting women because I completely, utterly, and unequivocally support women's rights! I totally agree that men and women should be treated with equal rights and respect in absolutely every and any situation!
But I am even more passionate about children's rights because, until they are grown, children are helpless in the life situations they find themselves in! Children have zero input as to what their child-rearing choices are, and I have a problem with that. For I feel that if children were given a voice, they would say they want to be home with their mothers. I sincerely want what's best for children, and I believe daycare/babysitters/schools are not the answer. Mothers are the answer! There I go again...it's just so hard for me to stop! ;)
Thus, today, I was thrilled beyond description to stumble upon this article in the Deseret News National edition, 6 things you should understand about stay-at-home moms, by Herb Scribner. I love how Mr. Scribner points out the immense value that stay-at-home mothers bring to our society. And he has solid research to back-up every single one of his points!!!
Thank you, Herb Scribner, for sharing your wisdom with the world! This supremely happy stay-at-home mama and her children appreciate your words more than you will ever know!
To wrap-up, I must share an interesting tidbit that happened to me this past Thursday night. I had a conversation with some wonderful women who were kindly trying to convince me to go back to school, i.e., a university/college. I've researched this idea previously and had decided against it, but after talking with them, I decided to look into it again.
As I researched the universities near me, I was overcome with emotion. I realized that most of the programs I was interested in pursuing would cause me to go be gone while my children were home. Just thinking about going back to school while my children are living at home literally made made me cry. Thinking of missing out on any time with my children—when they choose to be home and engaged with me—made my soul feel like it was being twisted and pulled to the point it would break into a million pieces.
No, I am most definitely not ready to go back to school. Unless things change significantly for my family, i.e., a tragedy befalls us and I'm forced to reenter society's workplace, I will not return to professional employment, either. And I still make that statement even though my family could really use the additional money for our budget!
Mothering my children is my greatest joy and most important calling! Below is a poem that perfectly describes my feelings. I had tears the first time I read it! And now, I must be on my way...I hope you enjoy your day!
*I mean no copyright infringement by sharing this from Belle Bébés, and I couldn't find a copyright statement anywhere on their website.
I clicked on a facebook link that discussed in very short detail, President Obama's speech on women and the economy. I was dismayed when I heard his words, "Sometimes, someone—usually mom—leaves the workplace to stay home with the kids, which then leaves her earning a lower wage for the rest of her life as a result. And that's not a choice we want Americans to make." That link was the catalyst for my inclusion of his words in my blog post Self-Reliance. I "liked" the facebook post and left a comment, sharing my disgust. As you can tell from my blog post, I was very upset at his words!
*By the by, I debated editing Self-Reliance, but decided to leave it as-is and write this post instead. You know, because, life is life! Our reactions are human and we can't completely erase how we feel like we can delete our words on a computer, we can only move forward!
Later, I saw through my facebook notifications that some other people disagreed with the initial facebook post. They shared that Pres. O wasn't attacking stay-at-home moms, and the comment was taken out of context. Thus, even though I had initially watched a majority of the video, I went back and watched the entire video. Yes, in a broad sense, I understood that he wasn't attacking stay-at-home moms and I appreciate that. Yet I feel he totally downplayed the importance of stay-at-home motherhood and I absolutely take issue with that—which is why I left my self-reliance blog post as-is.
I then left a lengthy response to those facebook comments. Before I commented, I prayed a lot and thought very long and hard about what to write. I felt really good about my words! :) (I might write a version of my comment in a blog post sometime in the future.)
However, the next morning, there were follow-up comments to my comment, and I could tell that they didn't agree with my position. I was frustrated because I felt that they weren't even trying to understand my point, so I deleted my "like" and two comments on the facebook post. I felt much better after having done so because my emotions were being negatively affected. And I know I shouldn't let people bug me, but again, I'm human. Without going into too much detail, just know that some of the comments weren't from random strangers, but my extended family members. Thus, it was hard feeling misunderstood by the people I'm attached to for life!
I was also ready to deactivate my facebook account and just keep my blog's facebook page active. I sadly realized facebook would also deactivate my Enthusiastic Fantastic page if I deleted my personal page, so I left everything open and decided to take a facebook break. However, that night, I read an amazing article, Difference and Dignity, by the Mormon Newsroom, that calmed my troubled heart. I highly recommend reading it! :)
So after all of my blabbing, what it comes down to is this: Many people in this world—including President Obama—are passionate about women's rights. I don't want anyone thinking I disagree with supporting women because I completely, utterly, and unequivocally support women's rights! I totally agree that men and women should be treated with equal rights and respect in absolutely every and any situation!
But I am even more passionate about children's rights because, until they are grown, children are helpless in the life situations they find themselves in! Children have zero input as to what their child-rearing choices are, and I have a problem with that. For I feel that if children were given a voice, they would say they want to be home with their mothers. I sincerely want what's best for children, and I believe daycare/babysitters/schools are not the answer. Mothers are the answer! There I go again...it's just so hard for me to stop! ;)
Thus, today, I was thrilled beyond description to stumble upon this article in the Deseret News National edition, 6 things you should understand about stay-at-home moms, by Herb Scribner. I love how Mr. Scribner points out the immense value that stay-at-home mothers bring to our society. And he has solid research to back-up every single one of his points!!!
Thank you, Herb Scribner, for sharing your wisdom with the world! This supremely happy stay-at-home mama and her children appreciate your words more than you will ever know!
To wrap-up, I must share an interesting tidbit that happened to me this past Thursday night. I had a conversation with some wonderful women who were kindly trying to convince me to go back to school, i.e., a university/college. I've researched this idea previously and had decided against it, but after talking with them, I decided to look into it again.
As I researched the universities near me, I was overcome with emotion. I realized that most of the programs I was interested in pursuing would cause me to go be gone while my children were home. Just thinking about going back to school while my children are living at home literally made made me cry. Thinking of missing out on any time with my children—when they choose to be home and engaged with me—made my soul feel like it was being twisted and pulled to the point it would break into a million pieces.
No, I am most definitely not ready to go back to school. Unless things change significantly for my family, i.e., a tragedy befalls us and I'm forced to reenter society's workplace, I will not return to professional employment, either. And I still make that statement even though my family could really use the additional money for our budget!
Mothering my children is my greatest joy and most important calling! Below is a poem that perfectly describes my feelings. I had tears the first time I read it! And now, I must be on my way...I hope you enjoy your day!
*I mean no copyright infringement by sharing this from Belle Bébés, and I couldn't find a copyright statement anywhere on their website.
Saturday, August 9, 2014
Mothers, Never Doubt Your Worth or Importance
Before you begin reading, please know that I have permission from my darling daughter to share our personal story with all of you. She told me she feels our story could be helpful to all children and their mothers. All I can say is WOW, I'm a blessed lady to have such a wonderful and thoughtful daughter! :)
Last night, I had such an interesting experience. It all began when I took my daughter to the store to buy contact solution for her new contacts. She's so happy she doesn't have to wear glasses anymore! Three cheers for good vision! (Seriously, never take good vision for granted. Ever.) My daughter brought along the last of her birthday money to purchase a few treats. She wasn't too happy I made her leave her iPod at home, but I wanted us to actually talk to each other in the car. I must say, it was a very smart move on my part. We talked, chatted and laughed the entire time! We were gone for about an hour and had a lovely time bonding together.
When we got home, we stayed in the kitchen so she could nibble a few bites of her treats. (By the way, don't eat a few Reese's Pieces followed by a Junior Mint, otherwise your mouth will think it's eating soap! My daughter learned that the hard way. Ha ha.) We sat next to each other at our beautiful kitchen table (that I waited 15 years and nine months to purchase!) and continued happily chatting. I began looking through the mail she picked up for me before we left for the store. All of a sudden, I got really excited when I saw an advertisement for adult ballet classes in one of those coupon magazines.
You see, I love ballet! I greatly enjoy watching ballet, and I love doing ballet myself—even though I only started really learning it as an adult. I've been wishing I could take ballet classes again, ever since we moved from Colorado six years ago. My family knows how much I adore ballet. I even purchased the New York City Ballet's workout dvds a few years ago. It's a great workout!
I exclaimed to my daughter, "Ooh! There's an adult ballet class at that studio! I've been wishing for an adult ballet class nearby! I wonder how much it costs! I'll have to check it out online."
My daughter instantly said, "Mom, I remember when you used to go to ballet all the time when we lived in Colorado. ________ [her older brother] and I used to cry at the window every night when you left." Surprised, I said, "You did?" With tears in her eyes, she said, "Yes. we cried every time you left." I was surprised at her words because while I remembered my children didn't really like that I went to ballet two nights a week, I didn't remember that they cried at the window! SO sad face. :(
Her recollection of that time made me feel so badly! I mean, I probably waited until 8:30 p.m. to leave, and Greg stayed home and put the kids to bed right after I left. And our kids have a fantastic relationship with Greg, he is an excellent father! Not to mention, I was a complete stay-at-home mom, just like I am today. I have always been a 100% stay-at-home mom. Okay, I actually calculated and combined the hours/days I've spent away from my children, and figured out that I've been there for my children 99.4% of their lives—at least when they weren't at school. (*I previously listed my time with my children at 95%, but decided to see what the number—me being away from my children—actually was, and it was way too high.)
I said to my sweet daughter, "Oh, ______! Give me a hug! I'm so sorry I made you feel badly!" She hugged me and then she really began to cry. Stunned, I said, "______, is there anything I can do for you? Is there anything I can say that would make you feel better?" Her words shocked me, "Don't go to ballet again. Just stay home, Mom." I said, "So, is it only ballet that you don't want me to leave for, or do you not like it when I leave for other things too?" Crying, she said, "I wish you'd never leave, Mom. I just want you to be home with me all the time!" I was truly surprised beyond belief.
We talked some more and she calmed down. She expressed that she understands her dad needs to go to work to support our family, and that's okay. But she surprised me again when she conveyed how she would rather that Greg and I didn't leave her and her brothers home alone on date-nights, etc. I asked her if something bad has happened to her that she needs to talk about. She assured me that everything is okay/fine, and I believe her. She said she understands when I need to go grocery shopping or to the doctor, etc., and that it's okay for her dad to be home with her when I'm gone doing those things.
I said, "So, how is it okay that you get to leave me every day when you go to school?" I was kind-of joking, but she strongly replied, "Well, you make me go to school!" I said, "Hey, it's either that or home school, and we've talked about this before. You don't want to have me as your teacher, so you go to public school." She instantly responded, "I know, and I want to keep going to school because I get to see my friends every day!" She also spends time with her friends outside of school, and I'm very glad for that.
My darling daughter and I concluded that it's best if I'm home with her as much as possible, which is so not hard for me to do. :) Plus, she knows that anytime I run errands, she is more than welcome to come with me. :)
What I've come to understand about my children from this discussion is, if they're given the choice whether to stay home alone (because they're legally old enough to do so) or come with me, they're totally and completely fine to make the choice to stay home alone. :) But they don't enjoy me leaving them home on a regularly-scheduled basis for activities they deem as "Mom doesn't want to spend time with me because she would rather leave home and do something else."
I think what it all comes down to is this: Children need to know that their mothers are absolutely there for them, 100%. Children want to be able to do whatever activities they choose, but they want to be able to see their mothers out of the corner of their eyes, smiling and cheering them on. Mothers are their children's safe place! Then, when children are ready (and every child is different), they'll gradually be able to let go. Yet a child's "invisible cord" is always attached to their mother, no matter how much physical distance is put between them. I know this is true because I've experienced it with my own dear mother. :) And now I have another strong example from my daughter that matches how I felt during my growing-up years.
This experience has completely renewed my motherly efforts. For a little while now, I've felt a smidgen less important in my children's lives. I know that sounds ridiculous, but I have one teenager and two pre-teens. If a catastrophe happened, my children could be totally self-sufficient...they don't need me in the ways they used to. In terms of having older children, I've felt that I could be replaceable—but nothing could be further from the truth! My children are definitely expressing their independence and growth (I'm so happy to watch them progress and grow!), but again, they need to know that I'm absolutely there for them whenever they need me. And I strongly believe all children have very similar feelings to my children.
Yes, Mothers, never doubt your worth or importance, for you are more valuable to your children than you could ever fully understand!
Now, I'm going to finish watching The Wizard of Oz with my sassy, sweet, cherished daughter. There is truly no place like home!
Last night, I had such an interesting experience. It all began when I took my daughter to the store to buy contact solution for her new contacts. She's so happy she doesn't have to wear glasses anymore! Three cheers for good vision! (Seriously, never take good vision for granted. Ever.) My daughter brought along the last of her birthday money to purchase a few treats. She wasn't too happy I made her leave her iPod at home, but I wanted us to actually talk to each other in the car. I must say, it was a very smart move on my part. We talked, chatted and laughed the entire time! We were gone for about an hour and had a lovely time bonding together.
When we got home, we stayed in the kitchen so she could nibble a few bites of her treats. (By the way, don't eat a few Reese's Pieces followed by a Junior Mint, otherwise your mouth will think it's eating soap! My daughter learned that the hard way. Ha ha.) We sat next to each other at our beautiful kitchen table (that I waited 15 years and nine months to purchase!) and continued happily chatting. I began looking through the mail she picked up for me before we left for the store. All of a sudden, I got really excited when I saw an advertisement for adult ballet classes in one of those coupon magazines.
You see, I love ballet! I greatly enjoy watching ballet, and I love doing ballet myself—even though I only started really learning it as an adult. I've been wishing I could take ballet classes again, ever since we moved from Colorado six years ago. My family knows how much I adore ballet. I even purchased the New York City Ballet's workout dvds a few years ago. It's a great workout!
I exclaimed to my daughter, "Ooh! There's an adult ballet class at that studio! I've been wishing for an adult ballet class nearby! I wonder how much it costs! I'll have to check it out online."
My daughter instantly said, "Mom, I remember when you used to go to ballet all the time when we lived in Colorado. ________ [her older brother] and I used to cry at the window every night when you left." Surprised, I said, "You did?" With tears in her eyes, she said, "Yes. we cried every time you left." I was surprised at her words because while I remembered my children didn't really like that I went to ballet two nights a week, I didn't remember that they cried at the window! SO sad face. :(
Her recollection of that time made me feel so badly! I mean, I probably waited until 8:30 p.m. to leave, and Greg stayed home and put the kids to bed right after I left. And our kids have a fantastic relationship with Greg, he is an excellent father! Not to mention, I was a complete stay-at-home mom, just like I am today. I have always been a 100% stay-at-home mom. Okay, I actually calculated and combined the hours/days I've spent away from my children, and figured out that I've been there for my children 99.4% of their lives—at least when they weren't at school. (*I previously listed my time with my children at 95%, but decided to see what the number—me being away from my children—actually was, and it was way too high.)
I said to my sweet daughter, "Oh, ______! Give me a hug! I'm so sorry I made you feel badly!" She hugged me and then she really began to cry. Stunned, I said, "______, is there anything I can do for you? Is there anything I can say that would make you feel better?" Her words shocked me, "Don't go to ballet again. Just stay home, Mom." I said, "So, is it only ballet that you don't want me to leave for, or do you not like it when I leave for other things too?" Crying, she said, "I wish you'd never leave, Mom. I just want you to be home with me all the time!" I was truly surprised beyond belief.
We talked some more and she calmed down. She expressed that she understands her dad needs to go to work to support our family, and that's okay. But she surprised me again when she conveyed how she would rather that Greg and I didn't leave her and her brothers home alone on date-nights, etc. I asked her if something bad has happened to her that she needs to talk about. She assured me that everything is okay/fine, and I believe her. She said she understands when I need to go grocery shopping or to the doctor, etc., and that it's okay for her dad to be home with her when I'm gone doing those things.
I said, "So, how is it okay that you get to leave me every day when you go to school?" I was kind-of joking, but she strongly replied, "Well, you make me go to school!" I said, "Hey, it's either that or home school, and we've talked about this before. You don't want to have me as your teacher, so you go to public school." She instantly responded, "I know, and I want to keep going to school because I get to see my friends every day!" She also spends time with her friends outside of school, and I'm very glad for that.
My darling daughter and I concluded that it's best if I'm home with her as much as possible, which is so not hard for me to do. :) Plus, she knows that anytime I run errands, she is more than welcome to come with me. :)
What I've come to understand about my children from this discussion is, if they're given the choice whether to stay home alone (because they're legally old enough to do so) or come with me, they're totally and completely fine to make the choice to stay home alone. :) But they don't enjoy me leaving them home on a regularly-scheduled basis for activities they deem as "Mom doesn't want to spend time with me because she would rather leave home and do something else."
I think what it all comes down to is this: Children need to know that their mothers are absolutely there for them, 100%. Children want to be able to do whatever activities they choose, but they want to be able to see their mothers out of the corner of their eyes, smiling and cheering them on. Mothers are their children's safe place! Then, when children are ready (and every child is different), they'll gradually be able to let go. Yet a child's "invisible cord" is always attached to their mother, no matter how much physical distance is put between them. I know this is true because I've experienced it with my own dear mother. :) And now I have another strong example from my daughter that matches how I felt during my growing-up years.
This experience has completely renewed my motherly efforts. For a little while now, I've felt a smidgen less important in my children's lives. I know that sounds ridiculous, but I have one teenager and two pre-teens. If a catastrophe happened, my children could be totally self-sufficient...they don't need me in the ways they used to. In terms of having older children, I've felt that I could be replaceable—but nothing could be further from the truth! My children are definitely expressing their independence and growth (I'm so happy to watch them progress and grow!), but again, they need to know that I'm absolutely there for them whenever they need me. And I strongly believe all children have very similar feelings to my children.
Yes, Mothers, never doubt your worth or importance, for you are more valuable to your children than you could ever fully understand!
Now, I'm going to finish watching The Wizard of Oz with my sassy, sweet, cherished daughter. There is truly no place like home!
 |
| I snapped this photo while watching our new Blu-Ray disc! As a young girl, this scene was always my favorite part of The Wizard of Oz! |
Tuesday, June 17, 2014
Children Don't Wait
I looked at my blog last night and realized I haven't posted anything in over five weeks, which has to be some kind of non-posting record for me! That doesn't mean that I don't have anything to write about. I literally have pages of ideas in my little blogging notebook. I also have several notes on my smart phone's note app. My mind is constantly swirling with things I'm just "dying" to write about on my happy little blog! I've just been busy volunteering at my children's school, vacationing, spending time with my little family, and doing many household chores. The end of school and start of summer is a very busy time for me. :)
Even though I have this intense desire to write on my blog until my fingers ache, I've consciously chosen to spend my time mainly on/with my little family, and I feel like I'm making the right decision. A few days ago, I was talking with my amazing mom and we got on the topic of motherhood. (Surprise surprise!) She told me a delightful little story that helped solidify my aforementioned feelings.
One day, when I was about 10 years old, my mom was busy doing many important tasks. We (my mom and I) had recently bought a sew-it-yourself doll. (I loved dolls so much when I was little! I still love dolls, but don't display them like I used to.) I asked my mom, over and over, when she was going to start sewing the doll for me? My mom kept saying, "Not now, I'm busy." (Or something like that.)
She ended up talking to her mom on the phone that day, and mentioned her frustration at my consistent pestering because she had so many other things she needed to accomplish. That's when her mom said, "Shari, children don't wait." My lovely grandma continued to explain her thoughts about the great importance of children, how quickly they grow up, that my mom should take the time to sew my doll, and then she could complete her other tasks. My mom said she learned a very valuable lesson that day—one that she's never forgotten!
The interesting thing is, I absolutely remember watching my mom stay up late that night, sewing my doll's dress. Her actions meant the world to me! But I never knew the story behind her selfless service.
I am utterly grateful for my grandma's words—not only because they benefited me when I was young, but because I totally relate to them now as a mother of my own three sweet children! I think my grandma's words can benefit any caregiver of children. Plus, I have always felt a special connection to my grandma, and this is just one more example of how we agree with each other. Yes, we are most definitely on the same wavelength when it comes to spending our time on mothering our precious children. :)
While I could endlessly gush about my grandma and all of her amazing, wonderful, and inspiring qualities, I'm going to follow her example and go spend time with my children. :) But before I go (I know, I'm such a chatterbox!), I want to share my typographic design of my grandmother's words. I had such a delightful time creating it! I tried to get a 50s feel going with the font, border, and colors, for my grandma was in the prime of her mothering in the 1950s. I feel so happy knowing that my grandmother's wise words will (hopefully) be shared with many people!
Even though I have this intense desire to write on my blog until my fingers ache, I've consciously chosen to spend my time mainly on/with my little family, and I feel like I'm making the right decision. A few days ago, I was talking with my amazing mom and we got on the topic of motherhood. (Surprise surprise!) She told me a delightful little story that helped solidify my aforementioned feelings.
One day, when I was about 10 years old, my mom was busy doing many important tasks. We (my mom and I) had recently bought a sew-it-yourself doll. (I loved dolls so much when I was little! I still love dolls, but don't display them like I used to.) I asked my mom, over and over, when she was going to start sewing the doll for me? My mom kept saying, "Not now, I'm busy." (Or something like that.)
She ended up talking to her mom on the phone that day, and mentioned her frustration at my consistent pestering because she had so many other things she needed to accomplish. That's when her mom said, "Shari, children don't wait." My lovely grandma continued to explain her thoughts about the great importance of children, how quickly they grow up, that my mom should take the time to sew my doll, and then she could complete her other tasks. My mom said she learned a very valuable lesson that day—one that she's never forgotten!
The interesting thing is, I absolutely remember watching my mom stay up late that night, sewing my doll's dress. Her actions meant the world to me! But I never knew the story behind her selfless service.
I am utterly grateful for my grandma's words—not only because they benefited me when I was young, but because I totally relate to them now as a mother of my own three sweet children! I think my grandma's words can benefit any caregiver of children. Plus, I have always felt a special connection to my grandma, and this is just one more example of how we agree with each other. Yes, we are most definitely on the same wavelength when it comes to spending our time on mothering our precious children. :)
While I could endlessly gush about my grandma and all of her amazing, wonderful, and inspiring qualities, I'm going to follow her example and go spend time with my children. :) But before I go (I know, I'm such a chatterbox!), I want to share my typographic design of my grandmother's words. I had such a delightful time creating it! I tried to get a 50s feel going with the font, border, and colors, for my grandma was in the prime of her mothering in the 1950s. I feel so happy knowing that my grandmother's wise words will (hopefully) be shared with many people!
Thursday, April 24, 2014
Contributing to Society
I recently read an article on the Huffington Post that got under my skin. Yet I read it on the anniversary of my little sister's death (you can read about her in my post, Mackenzie Day), so I didn't feel like blogging about it then. Yes, death is tough.
While reading the first section of the article, A Letter From a Working Mother to a Stay-at-Home Mother (and Vice Versa), I thought, "This is great! I love that she's recognizing stay-at-home moms for all that they are and all that they do for their families!" But then I became annoyed at the second part of the article.
*Before I get to my annoyance, please let me say that I absolutely agree with the phrase the author wrote about work-outside-the-home moms, "I know you love your children just as much as any other mother."—I know it's true.
I also want to clarify that I totally understand that there are some situations in which a mother has no choice but to work outside the home. I have such empathy and compassion for mothers who struggle financially. I know how a mother's heart breaks when there is seemingly no answer in sight to the financial difficulties she is facing, for I have faced that same situation so many times in my life.
Yet my husband and I have always been blessed to find solutions that have allowed me to be a stay-at-home mom, and still meet our family's financial obligations. Those solutions have always involved sacrifice, but those sacrifices were absolutely worth it for me to be able to stay home and care for every one of my children's needs! And my husband completely agrees. :)
All of that said, here's the paragraph from the article that riled me:
"I know that sometimes you feel guilty about not being there all the time. But WM [working mom], I know this. You are setting a wonderful example to your children. You are showing them that a woman can have a career, contribute in some way outside the home, and still be a loving mother. You are showing your daughters that they can do anything they want to do in life. You are displaying strength, endurance, dedication, tenacity, and you do it with so much joy and love."Even now, as I read through that paragraph again, I can feel my insides clenching. My fight-or-flight response has kicked into high gear!
You see, I believe that motherhood is the ultimate career. Raising the next generation is the greatest contribution to society that a woman will ever have the wonderful opportunity to be a part of. What continually frustrates me is to see, time and again, that women somehow feel that raising children isn't enough. I truly can't fathom that train of thought!
This sentence, "You are showing your daughters that they can do anything they want in life.", made me want to shout to the world: Yes, women can do anything they want in life. Women are strong, capable and smart! But who will raise the children of those work-outside-the-home mothers to become their best selves? Who will spend the quality time and extra energy on those children in exactly the same way as their mothers would? No other caregiver will love a child as completely as her/his mother does, and anyone that thinks otherwise is deluding themselves. No one could ever fully fill the void in a child's life when their mother isn't there on a consistent basis.
*Disclaimer: I know there are some women who are not fit to be mothers. I'm referring to women who don't fall into that sad category. Also, stay-at-home dads are a wonderful option when the mom isn't available, and I wholeheartedly prefer them to day care, or nannies, or babysitters, every time! But I still believe the mother is the best option for her child, day-in and day-out. Also, I completely understand that no mother can be with her child 100% of his/her life. I'm referring to when a mother consciously and continually chooses to have a career (or other interests) outside of the home full-time, when she could find an alternative and make the sacrifices necessary to be a stay-at-home mom.
What I wish work-outside-the-home moms would think long and hard about is this:
What message are you sending your child when you leave to go to work? Are your actions showing your child that you love her/him more than anything? Or, are you silently and unknowingly saying, "I love you, but I love my job more because I leave you every day to go to work." Have you thought about what your child honestly thinks of your decision to work outside of your home? Because no child will willingly say something to their beloved mama that might hurt her feelings.
Yes, please think about your child first...not about your career and where it will take you in the future. (Again, this is not directed to women who have absolutely no choice other than to be employed outside the home.)
To continue, I cringed when the author praised work-outside-the-home mothers by writing, "You are displaying strength, endurance, dedication, tenacity, and you do it with so much joy and love." For I believe every mother should give her strength, endurance, dedication and tenacity to her children...she should not give precedence to her career. Every child deserves to have 100% of their mother's very best qualities on a daily basis!
Instead, I fear many of our world's children receive their mothers' leftovers (I'm not talking about food!), because no one has endless energy or time. Every person has a set amount of give that they can share with the world. If mothers are continually giving the best parts of themselves to the outside world, there isn't much left to give to their children.
In his talk, Of Regrets and Resolutions, President Dieter F. Uchtdorf has beautifully taught us the importance of cherishing our loved ones every day of our lives. He said,
"Perhaps the most universal regret dying patients expressed was that they wished they had spent more time with the people they love.
"Men in particular sang this universal lament: they “deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the [daily] treadmill of … work.”3 Many had lost out on choice memories that come from spending time with family and friends. They missed developing a deep connection with those who meant the most to them." (He took quote 3 from from Bronnie Ware, in Steiner, “Top Five Regrets of the Dying.”)I think President Uchtdorf's example need not apply only to men, as it can absolutely apply to women with children who work unnecessarily outside the home on a regular basis.
I simply feel that if all women could actively internalize the immeasurable importance of stay-at-home motherhood, not only would they feel better about their decision not to work outside the home, but the children of our world would be happier, healthier, emotionally content, more intelligent, and feel secure in their lives. That might seem like a lofty list, but I believe it's entirely achievable.
Yesterday morning, I took a break from writing this post to get ready for lunch with my friend. I was stunned to hear the news story of a 15-year-old boy who hopped a flight to Hawaii inside of one of the rear wheel wells of the airplane, and he miraculously survived! My first thought was, "Why on earth did he do that?! He could have been killed!!" Yet, I wasn't surprised when I heard the suspected reason for his trip. It turns out, the young man was simply trying to get to his mother in Somalia. Wow. It pulls at my heartstrings to think of how much he must have missed his mother...enough that he would risk his very life to be with her again! That stowaway's sad story is the perfect illustration of just how much children need their mothers—no matter how old they are!
In the end, children grow up and move-on in their lives. When compared to overall lifespans, mothers have the opportunity to raise their children for a relatively short period of time. And if a child dies while still on the younger side, a mother has even less time with her baby. (I say baby even though I know children grow up and are no longer technically babies. Every mother's child will always be her baby, no matter how much time passes.)
If only all mothers would remember that they have the rest of their lives to work in their chosen career, I feel they would be able to make it through the long and tiring child-rearing days at home—with a happier spring in their step! :)
After speaking with so many elderly adults, I'm convinced that our numerous employment years will seem much l o n g e r than the time we spent raising our children. Also, depending on how long we live, please ponder the fact that retirement can roughly be the same length of time we spend raising a child to young adulthood! Seriously, wow.
We would do well to remember President Thomas S. Monson's sage advice (emphasis added):
"If you have children who are grown and gone, in all likelihood you have occasionally felt pangs of loss and the recognition that you didn't appreciate that time of life as much as you should have. Of course, there is no going back, but only forward. Rather than dwelling on the past, we should make the most of today, of the here and now, doing all we can to provide pleasant memories for the future.
"If you are still in the process of raising children, be aware that the tiny fingerprints that show up on almost every newly cleaned surface, the toys scattered about the house, the piles and piles of laundry to be tackled will disappear all too soon and that you will—to your surprise—miss them profoundly." (Finding Joy in the Journey, General Conference, October 2008.)Yes, fellow mothers, let's dearly appreciate the fact that we have been given the greatest opportunity to be employed in the most extraordinary (albeit unpaid) profession there is! Let's enjoy every moment we have with our children, for we have merely 6,570 days (i.e., 18 years)—give or take a few—with our beloved babies in our homes. Remember, there is no turning back the clock of childhood. Thus, let's not hesitate to daily give all of our very best bits to our children!
Wednesday, April 16, 2014
Let's Not Be Sissies!
On December 22nd, 2013, I sat in my ward's Old Testament Gospel Doctrine Class enjoying the discussion. At precisely 12:43 p.m., I heard this most wonderful phrase,
*Oh, and just to clarify, my church's definition of mortality is: The time from birth until physical death. This is sometimes called the second estate.
Some days mortality is fairly easy, but there are many days when we have to have a lot of courage and gumption just to make it to bedtime! No, friends, mortality is most definitely not for sissies! :)
Several weeks later, I asked the brother who said it if I could quote him. He said, "Yes." Yay! So, thank you, Mike Kaminske, for your wonderfully insightful words, I have truly enjoyed pondering them!
Since that day, I have seen so many crazy events happen in our world. Some happenings are truly unbelievable. I never could have predicted where our global society has ended up in a little less than four months! And as I've written before (see my blog post "Paramount Parents"), I truly believe that many of our society's problems come from a lack of good, strong, righteous parenting.
And even though I am one of the strongest advocates and supporters of the family—and all that goes into it—I understand that parenting is a tough job. Parenting might just be the toughest job ever!
Well, might I add, Mike Rowe's Dirty Job episodes—that show him working as a sludge cleaner and a sewer inspector—might take the grand prize in terms of the toughest jobs. To me, parenting looks like a walk in the park compared to those disgusting jobs! Eww, gross! But I digress...
Thus, I decided to create a new typographic design that blends Brother Kaminske's ideas with my own. By the way, I was very deliberate in choosing a brick wall as the back drop...
"Mortality is not for sissies."
I know the date and time of this event because I promptly wrote it down in my smarty phone's note app. I chuckled a little inside as I rolled his words over in my mind. Then I thought, "He's totally right! Mortality is very hard!"*Oh, and just to clarify, my church's definition of mortality is: The time from birth until physical death. This is sometimes called the second estate.
Some days mortality is fairly easy, but there are many days when we have to have a lot of courage and gumption just to make it to bedtime! No, friends, mortality is most definitely not for sissies! :)
Several weeks later, I asked the brother who said it if I could quote him. He said, "Yes." Yay! So, thank you, Mike Kaminske, for your wonderfully insightful words, I have truly enjoyed pondering them!
Since that day, I have seen so many crazy events happen in our world. Some happenings are truly unbelievable. I never could have predicted where our global society has ended up in a little less than four months! And as I've written before (see my blog post "Paramount Parents"), I truly believe that many of our society's problems come from a lack of good, strong, righteous parenting.
And even though I am one of the strongest advocates and supporters of the family—and all that goes into it—I understand that parenting is a tough job. Parenting might just be the toughest job ever!
Well, might I add, Mike Rowe's Dirty Job episodes—that show him working as a sludge cleaner and a sewer inspector—might take the grand prize in terms of the toughest jobs. To me, parenting looks like a walk in the park compared to those disgusting jobs! Eww, gross! But I digress...
Thus, I decided to create a new typographic design that blends Brother Kaminske's ideas with my own. By the way, I was very deliberate in choosing a brick wall as the back drop...
As parents, we must always stand strong and firm in our beliefs, and absolutely do what is right. We must look for, and highlight, the wonderful... the lovely... the happy!... the kind, and the good in the world. We must not agree with, nor condone, behavior or beliefs that are contrary to what is best for our children. We must continually try our very best...not only for our benefit, but especially for our precious babies' benefit! :)
Each day, we parents have an amazing opportunity to choose and lay the "bricks" that will build the "walls" of our children's childhoods. In turn, those initial brick walls will provide the basic structure that "house" our children for the rest of their lives. (Metaphorically speaking, of course!) Each of our children's subsequent life events become the "additions" to their "houses".
Before we can lay those essential bricks, we must be sure that the "foundations" we've created for our children are level, thick, stable, and waterproof. For it doesn't matter how carefully a brick wall is crafted if the foundation isn't built properly.
Once we're sure the foundation is built correctly, we must choose expertly-crafted bricks to protect our children from life's dangerous storms. We must pay close attention to each and every brick, and smoothly connect them with the proper amounts of accurately-mixed mortar. Yes, friends, our glorious task is to build our children's brick walls solidly enough to withstand the sorrows and disappointments they will inevitably experience.
But we also want to create walls that will bring feelings of joy, satisfaction, success and love to their houses! For there is nothing worse than a perfectly-built, cold, sterile house! Yes, we also need to create beautiful walls of warmth for our children!
As we work, we would do well to ask ourselves, "Have I chosen the best bricks for my child's house? Have I laid my child's bricks precisely and solidly enough to last his/her entire life? Have I taken the necessary time to properly mix and smooth the mortar, so there will be no gaps or holes in my child's walls? Is the mortar I've chosen strong enough to hold everything together? Will these walls sustain the warmth that's necessary to create a loving and happy life for my child?"
Or, after we've already built several walls, will we discover that our children's foundations are cracking, leaking or crumbling? Will we find that we've chosen improperly made bricks? Will we be careless in the way we lay those bricks and mortar? Will the endlessly harsh, worldly elements—that continually beat on our children's souls—seep through the mortar? Will the walls we've built suck the warmth out of our children's rooms and make their houses feel stark and empty?
I want to build my children's walls with excellent care. I want to be able to look back with fondness on my children's childhoods and see that I paid the utmost attention to how their walls were constructed. I want to be a present parent! I don't want to entrust the building of my children's walls to an apprentice or a subcontractor!
Yes, there will be extended family members, friends, teachers and church members who contribute to the building of my children's walls, and I am grateful for their good influence, but I want the majority of the construction work to be done by my husband and me.
Thus, let's be the valiantly strong parents that our children need and deserve! Let's not be sissies! :)
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