Monday, November 23, 2015

The Right to Believe What We Believe

*Update: Before you read this lengthy post, please know that on 04/04/2019, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints changed its policy that I wrote about below. If you can find the time, please read the entire news release "Policy Changes Announced for Members in Gay Marriages, Children of LGBT Parents."

 Even though the Church's policy has changed, I'm leaving this blog post as-is for the sake of history. You have to admit that this policy saga is super fascinating, right?!

 I still totally love and fully support my church and its leaders. I am and will remain an active member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints forever! I wholeheartedly believe in inspiration and continuing revelation—both personally, and for The Church as a whole.

 With that said, read on, and I hope you have a beautiful day!


The past two+ weeks have been interesting—to say the least—for my church and its members. (In case this is your first visit to Enthusiastic Fantastic, you might like to know that I'm a very happy member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints!) I was surprised that some of my church's policy information was sneakily released to the media on November 6th, 2015. That said, I wasn't surprised about the content of the news, just the way in which the news was released—for it wasn't released by the Church's typical channels.

Because I'm not on Fakebook anymore, I don't know for sure where the news story first broke. All I know is that one of the blogs I follow, Fair Mormon, released the first blog post I saw about it: "A Look at the Church’s New Policy on Children of Gay Couples." It's a great read, I highly recommend it. Here is the information verbatim from Fair Mormon that first introduced me to what was going on in my church:
  • Those who enter into a same-sex marriage are considered apostate, and will need to undergo Church discipline possibly resulting in disfellowshipment or excommunication;
  • Local leaders should seriously consider Church discipline against members cohabitating in same-sex relationships but not married;
  • Minor children in same-sex households are not to be baptized into the Church until they reach adulthood. At that point they must understand and accept the Church’s doctrine regarding the sinfulness of same-sex acts and marriages in order to be baptized
Later that night, I watched Elder Christofferson's explanation of the Church's policy move (that previously linked update came a few days later): Elder Christofferson Provides Context on Handbook Changes Affecting Same-Sex Marriages (click the link to watch the video).

I thought those two sources were very clear and self-explanatory. I was not confused as to where the Church stood on the issue of same-sex marriage within its membership. Thus, I was surprised at the uproar seemingly everywhere on the internet, local/national media, and social media—and even within my own extended family. I mean, it's not a huge surprise where the Church stands in regard to SSM, so I couldn't understand why everyone was so shocked with the policy change—especially after the Church further explained and kindly clarified their position.

My church has been talking about the importance of families forever—and especially in the past 20 years! For reference, please read "THE FAMILY, A PROCLAMATION TO THE WORLD," that was released in 1995. Not to mention, please notice how many videos The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints has produced about families and religious freedom—and I didn't even include them all. (You don't need to watch all of them, I just included the links in case anyone is interested.)


Home and Family – Through Small Things

Happy Families—a playlist of videos about families

Building Families

Protect Our Nestlings – Keeping our Families Safe


Motherhood: an Eternal Partnership with God

Our Fun Family Vacation – The Importance of Spending Time With Family

Families Can Be Together Forever

The Mormon Practice of Family Home Evening















Also, the major motion picture, Meet The Mormons, does a great job of introducing what the Church is all about. I wish everyone on the planet would watch it! :)


Yes, with all of those previously listed sources, there should be zero surprises about where the Church stands in regard to same-sex marriage.

As the past 17 days have unfolded, I've read and listened to many sources about the topic shared above. Here some of the links to what I've been researching (There are other sources I've read/watched/listened to that I won't be linking.):

"A North and South Heart," a blog post on Rational Faiths, by Tom Christofferson—the gay brother of Elder D. Todd Christofferson, an LDS apostle

Articles by Jean Lloyd from The Witherspoon Institute, Public Discourse:
Podcasts by Radio West:
"Taught By Her Mothers," a podcast on the blog, Mormon Women Project

"Why We Fear Mormons," an opinion post by J. Spencer Fluhman on The New York Times

"Petition asks Mormon Tabernacle Choir guests to cancel appearances over policy change," a Salt Lake Tribune article

Two important articles released by The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints—these are the most recent updates:
"Pride and Faith," the recently-released video by Scott Raia. His video's tagline reads, "A BYU film student documents his growing awareness of the LGBT community, especially within the Mormon church. He sees his nervousness for graduation from college as a something of a parallel for the uncertainty faced by some of his friends as they transition to adulthood as gay Mormons."

"WITH GAY MORMONS," a blog post by Jeff Benedict

"Religion is changing, fellowship too," an article in the Harvard Gazette. This one isn't about the Church, but it's an interesting read in terms of religion as a whole.

Hopefully, anyone reading my blog can see that I check a wide variety of sources for information. I most definitely do not live inside a vacuum! ;) I truly try my best to see all sides of every life issue before coming to a conclusion or making a decision. Thus, please believe me when I say that after all of my researching, I don't have a problem with my church's same-sex marriage policy. The information my church has presented makes sense to me. No, my support of the Church and its leaders does not make me heartless nor a bigot. Oh no, it most certainly does not! (By the way, I strongly dislike that previously mentioned b-word.)

While I hope this blog post doesn't attract haters, there's no guarantee of that not happening (Did I say that right? Or, is it a double negative? I'm overcome with wordiness! Ha ha.), which makes me a little nervous. That said, I still want to share my opinion on the subject.

First off, despite what others may think or say, I truly believe the Church has no ill will directed at the LGBT community—none whatsoever—and for the record, I don't, either. (For more on my views of my country's actions toward legalizing SSM, please read my post "The Supreme Court's Decision"—I wrote it before the historic and final announcement.) The Church's leaders have simply stated what they believe is right and true. I support my church leaders 100% because I believe they receive direct inspiration and revelation from the Lord, which means this policy change has been given to them directly from the Lord.

Speaking of the inspiration/revelation of the Church's leaders, I love this marvelous quote by Elder Bednar of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles. He said in his October, 2015, General Conference talk, "Chosen to Bear Testimony of My Name,"
"Serving with these representatives of the Lord [in the First Presidency and the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles], I have come to know their greatest desire is to discern and do the will of our Heavenly Father and His Beloved Son. As we counsel together, inspiration has been received and decisions have been made that reflect a degree of light and truth far beyond human intelligence, reasoning, and experience. As we work together in unity on perplexing problems, our collective understanding of an issue has been enlarged in marvelous ways by the power of the Holy Ghost."
Second, I get frustrated when people who aren't members—or are less-active members—of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints get so opinionated about something they don't even want to be a part of themselves! Seriously, what?! I wish I could say to them: Why are you being mean toward the Church and its members when you're not following its teachings, and you want nothing to do with it anyway?!

It's ridiculous to me that the only time haters care about the Church or its policies is when the Church has made a stand that the haters don't agree with. That's like me having an opinion about any number of other churches' policies. Am I an active/participating member of said church that I'm having issues with? No? Well, then I don't get to have a say about how they run their church. If, however, I was an actively participating member of said church whose policies I disagreed with, then I'd have something to talk about.

*Side note: I saw a news clip about the "mass" membership resignation of Church members that happened Saturday, November 14th. What I think needs to be pointed out is this quote from KUTV 2News:
"When asked if those in the LGBT community are actively wanting their children to be raised in the LDS faith, Matson replied, 'Honestly, no. They don't...'

"A recent poll conducted by event organizers and posted on the LDS Mass Resignation Facebook page shows only 5 percent of those who resigned this weekend attend an LDS church on a weekly or monthly basis."
So not only do most of those in the LGBT community not even want to be a part of the Church, only 125 of the approximately 2,500 people giving up their membership in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints are actively participating members! Yeah, I'm pretty sure 2,500 members out of the Church's total population of 15+ million doesn't constitute the definition of a "mass resignation." (At least that's the number I've researched in the media up to this point.)

Third, I've been puzzled by some active Latter-Day Saints' negative reactions to the Church's new policy. To them I say: Pray for guidance and peace. Please read or watch all of the statements put forth by the Church. (I linked them above.) Realize that either you do or you don't support the Church and its leaders. (I support the Church and its leaders.) Either the brethren are spiritually in tune, or they're not. (I believe they are in tune.) Either they've made the correct policy update, or they haven't. (I believe they are acting according to the revelation/inspiration they've received from the Lord. Refer to the comment I previously shared by Elder Bednar.) If you believe the brethren/leaders are in tune to inspiration and revelation from the Lord, through the Holy Ghost, then accept what they've done. (I've accepted their actions, and apparently so have the vast majority of the Church's members.)

*Side note: I've been writing this blog post for a little over one week. Late last night, as I was shutting down my computer, I read a beautiful blog post, "Sustaining, Suffering and Enduring Each Other," by Bruce E. Dale, Interpreter, A Journal of Mormon Scripture. Brother Dale does a wonderful job of defining and describing what it means to sustain the Church's leaders and members. It is so worth five minutes of your time! :)

Fourth, for years, the Church has stood up for what it genuinely believes is right and true: that same-sex marriage should not be legalized. I think it's fair to say that the Church did literally everything within its power to prevent that legal social change. But once the Supreme Court legalized SSM, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints supported the law, while simultaneously requesting that rights for religious freedom be protected. For reference, please see Elder Dallin H. Oaks' General Conference talk, "Loving Others and Living with Differences," given in October, 2014. His marvelous words were presented just two days before SSM was legalized in Utah—which catapulted the Supreme Court's country-wide decision. I know I've already shared portions of this talk previously, but I feel it's good enough to share again:


We all have the right to live according to our religious/spiritual beliefs and consciences, as is presented in an awesome PBS video I watched a few days ago (linked below). Religious liberty/freedom should not be squashed by anyone—including those who request tolerance and acceptance of their personal views and choices, but aren't willing to extend the same generosity to those with deeply held religious beliefs!

Russell Moore said,
"No one wants to see our gay and lesbian neighbors mistreated, bullied, harmed. At the same time, we need to protect the pluralism of the public square that allows people to dissent from whatever the dogma of "the church of the sexual revolution" is. And that's the dangerous place that we're in right now, is there are many people who are suggesting that this wave of sexual revolution ought to trump religious liberty and conscience rights in a way that simply paves over the consciences of people. That's not the sort of society we ought to live in."
To see more of Mr. Moore's fabulous interview, please watch the video "Russell Moore on LGBT Acceptance," produced by PBS' Religion & Ethics Newsweekly.

Of course, I could have easily shared many of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints' leader's speeches on religious freedom, but I chose to share the perspective of Russell Moore—President of the Southern Baptist Ethics & Religious Liberty Commission—simply to illustrate that the Church is not the only church that feels this way.

So where are we now? Obviously, same-sex marriage is legal in the United States of America and in other countries across the world. While there are many places that same-sex couples can get married, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints isn't one of them. The Church has the right to unequivocally state that they won't support or allow SSM within their membership, church buildings or temples. They aren't holding anyone back from being allowed the standard/legal definition of marriage in the worldly sense, but when it comes to the Lord's way of eternal marriage, yes, the Church has put their foot down—and they have every right to do so. The Lord has drawn the line in the sand so there is zero confusion about same-sex marriage—it's not up for debate in the Church.

What some people are forgetting (or conveniently ignoring?) is that not only does the Church not allow SSM, but it also has the following list of dos and don'ts that apply to all current and potential church members (I included as many as I could find/remember):
  • no gambling
  • faithfully and consistently wear temple garments—for adults who have made covenants in the temple 
  • no pornography
  • no polygamy/plural marriage
  • worship God, our Heavenly Father
  • pray and read our scriptures daily—these aren't commandments, so-to-speak, but they're highly encouraged habits
  • attend our church meetings on a regular basis
  • attend the temple as often as time permits—we are encouraged to make it a priority
  • honorably hold and exercise the priesthood—for men only
  • no profanity/swearing
  • dress modestly
  • repent as often as needed
  • have reverence for sacred things including: God, Jesus Christ, the Holy Ghost, the Church, temples, etc.
  • make sacrifices to follow Jesus Christ and His gospel
  • no same-sex marriage
  • serve in the Church and our communities—to the extent possible by each individual
  • no tattoos—that said, having tattoos won't cause a person to be disciplined by the Church
  • pay a full/honest tithe
  • avoid unwed pregnancy—this sounds harsh, but the Church does everything within its power to help unwed mothers (click on the link above)
  • be virtuous, i.e., have high moral standards
  • do our best to "build up" Zion, i.e., the pure in heart
To further illustrate my point, Doctrine and Covenants 38:16 tells us (emphasis added), "And for your salvation I give unto you a commandment, for I have heard your prayers, and the poor have complained before me, and the rich have I made, and all flesh is mine, and I am no respecter of persons."—meaning the Lord's commandments apply to everyone.

To go along with that scripture, I found this awesome quote by President Joseph Fielding Smith, the 10th president of the Church,
"It should be conceded by all people that since the Almighty governs the entire universe by immutable law, man, who is the greatest of all his creations, must himself be subject to such law." – "Chapter 18: Living by Every Word that Proceeds from the Mouth of God," Teachings of Presidents of the Church: Joseph Fielding Smith.
It's no secret that the Lord expects the same devoted discipleship from every member of the Church! And when we make mistakes, the Atonement of Jesus Christ is there to help us out—pending we utilize it through our full repentance! :)

I hope I've illustrated that the same-sex-marriage-is-not-allowed-in-the-Church issue is a much smaller fraction of what it means to be an active and faithful member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints than what the media is portraying. There will always be fluidity in the membership of the Church due to people becoming (and hopefully staying) converted, while simultaneously others neglect their personal testimonies (and all that encompasses) and become inactive members, or resign from the Church altogether. If people want to leave the Church, surely SSM won't be the only reason they choose to focus on.

What it all comes down to is this: we each have the right to believe what we believe! Those negatively affected by the Church's SSM policy change always have the option to make different choices in order to access those beautiful and sacred ordinances, and receive the promised blessings.

Just like any actively participating Latter-Day Saint, everyone who has heard of the Church can choose to obey its teachings...we can all be blessed for our faithfulness. If people decide to follow our Savior, and do what is required to become and stay an active member of the Church, there are no restrictions holding anyone back—the "Blessings of the Gospel [are] Available to All"! That previous link is a talk by Elder Joseph W. Sitati.

As I've been happily thinking about what The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints means to me, I get emotional if I try to envision my life without it. Because of the Church's teachings, I have been brought closer to our Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ than I ever could have imagined! My relationship with Them is, of course, made possible due to the Holy Ghost daily speaking to my spirit—and I wouldn't have received the gift of the Holy Ghost without my baptism in the Church! And don't even get me started about the amazing people I've met through my membership in the Church, for my life would be completely different without their positive influence!

Also, I can't help but reflect back on these lovely scriptures and their meanings—as I understand them (emphasis added):

Luke 12:6–7, "Are not five sparrows sold for two farthings, and not one of them is forgotten before God? But even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Fear not therefore: ye are of more value than many sparrows." *We are all important to our Heavenly Father and Savior.

Isaiah 25:8, "He will swallow up death in victory; and the Lord God will wipe away tears from off all faces..." *We are all saved; the Lord will always be there to comfort us.

Colossians 3:2, "Set your affection on things above, not on things on the earth." *Don't get sidetracked by worldly issues, we need to keep our focus on eternity.

Colossians 1:23, "...continue in the faith grounded and settled, and be not moved away from the hope of the gospel..." *We must stay strong and true to Jesus Christ and His gospel!

Romans 8:35; 37–39, "Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword? ...Nay, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him that loved us. For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord." *Heavenly Father will always love us and wants us to come back to Him; our Savior's Atonement makes up for every trial/problem we're given in this life (but that doesn't mean we should give up following the Savior's example—none of us get a free ride!); Jesus Christ is our connection to God, our Heavenly Father.

John 6:68–69, "Then Simon Peter answered him, Lord, to whom shall we go? thou hast the words of eternal life. And we believe and are sure that thou art that Christ, the Son of the living God." *Those verses say it all: who or what else can give us all that Jesus Christ and His gospel offers? I'd also like to point out that with this scripture (there are many others to reference), God the Father and His Son, Jesus Christ, are established: the trinity is incorrect.

John 14:15, 21, "If ye love me, keep my commandments... ...He that hath my commandments, and keepeth them, he it is that loveth me: and he that loveth me shall be loved of my Father, and I will love him, and will manifest myself to him." *We can show our love and devotion to our Savior by keeping His commandments. Our Heavenly Father will love us even more for following Jesus Christ.

Alma 34:32, "For behold, this life is the time for men [and women] to prepare to meet God..." *This scripture is one of my favorites! I always shorten the verse simply because I feel there is nothing else to say! :) We must do everything within our power to be prepared to meet our Heavenly Father!

Finally, I love this statement by President Joseph Fielding Smith, for his words say it all (emphasis added)!
"If we are living the religion which the Lord has revealed and which we have received, we do not belong to the world. We should have no part in all its foolishness. We should not partake of its sins and its errors—errors of philosophy and errors of doctrine, errors in regard to government, or whatever those errors may be—we have no part in it. 
"The only part we have is the keeping of the commandments of God. That is all, being true to every covenant and every obligation that we have entered into and taken upon ourselves. 
"Do not get the impression from what I have said that I feel that we should keep aloof from everybody outside of the Church and not associate with them. I have not said that, but I do want us to be consistent Latter-day Saints, and if the people of the world walk in darkness and sin and contrary to the will of the Lord, there is the place for us to draw the line." – "Chapter 19: In the World but Not of the World," Teachings of Presidents of the Church: Joseph Fielding Smith.
What I find interesting about the quotes I shared from President Joseph Fielding Smith, is the fact that, yesterday morning, I mistakenly thought the Church's 2015 curriculum has us studying President Smith—even though I subconsciously knew full well that we are studying President Benson! (Because I'm the first counselor in my ward's Young Women organization, I don't get to study the Teachings of Presidents of the Church lessons in Relief Society. Thus, every so often, I listen to the lessons on my phone while I'm getting ready for the day.) I strongly believe the Spirit (Holy Ghost) wanted me to think we were studying President Smith so I would find his steadfast words for precisely this post! :)

When all is said and done, I simply don't want to have squandered my days here on Earth. As imperfect as I am, I'm trying my best to be prepared to one day meet God and Jesus Christ—and I want to bring as many prepared people with me as I can (so to speak). I truly believe the Church is the vehicle of choice to safely deliver each and every one of us back to Them! :)

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Saturday, October 24, 2015

Sincerely, Adrie

Sincerity is a word that keeps popping up in my life. For whatever reason, many people think I'm insincere. This problem (of judging me to be insincere) doesn't happen frequently, mind you, but it does happen pretty consistently and it bothers me. If I let myself linger on this issue for too long, my heart is rubbed raw.

Yes, it's those little comments (or lack thereof), incredulous looks, eye rolls, whispers, gossiping about me, etc., that make me want to stop communicating openly with our world. (Don't worry, I won't stop! But if you do want me to stop communicating, I say, "Too bad for you!" Ha ha.) Before any of you think I'm nutty (Too late!) or that I made all of this up, please know that I've found out what has been said about me because a few caring souls have shared those difficult bits of information with me. While it hurts to hear those words, I'm grateful for their honesty.

I simply wish people could understand that I really am this enthusiastic about life! :) I really do care that much! I really am this happy! :) And when I get upset, it's for real. Is it too much to ask for a little trust?

I think that's been one of the hardest parts of my enthusiastic life: many people think I'm fake, or that I have a hidden agenda. Well, news flash, people of Earth, I'm just Adrie! I don't have an agenda, other than truly wanting what's best for everyone—including me! :)

Even though I won't welcome everyone directly into my personal life, my heart swells with love and concern for pretty much everyone. While I won't include any verified evil and/or dangerous people into that mix, I absolutely and truly wish everyone well.

Also? I don't like fake people, either, so why would I ever want to be fake like fake people?! Hi! I wouldn't! Yet who's to say that those perceived "fake" people are really fake? What if they really are being sincere, just like me?! That's definitely something for all of us to think about.

I'm guessing you're wondering what spurred this post. Well, I'm a very silly lady because the straw that broke my happy blogging back was the fact that, last week, my comment wasn't published on another blogger's post. I know, I'm so lame! ;) In addition, I realized said blogger was publishing other comments made on their post after I submitted mine. It simply bummed me out. I was like, "Why? What did I say that was so unpublishable in comparison to the 53 other comments you did choose to publish?" Based on previous experiences, I had a sneaking suspicion their lack of publishing had to do with my lack of believability. #sosadface

For the record, I understand how/why bloggers moderate their comments. I used to moderate comments on my old blog, but because I receive very few comments on this blog, I don't worry about it anymore. That said, if I ever did receive a highly inappropriate comment, I would delete it. But I never felt in the least that my unpublished blog comment was inappropriate. Thus, their choice not to publish my words is a puzzlement to me.

What I'd like said blogger (who will never read this post!) to know is this:
I don't comment on other blogs unless I really feel the need, or there's good reason for me to do so. I'm also very picky about which blogs I follow in the first place, so the fact that I'm reading your blog says something. I have no problem unfollowing blogs, either. Please note: I'm still debating whether to unfollow your blog! Besides, my short comment was extremely supportive, happy, helpful and sincere!
But that's all in the past. I let my disbelief that my comment wasn't published simmer down and I chucked it in the trash days ago! Ha ha. Isn't that a great visual of what I did with my bummed-out-edness?!

In addition to my silly blogging blues, over the past couple of weeks, I've encountered a few instances where I realized yet again that some people just can't "take me," or don't enjoy my enthusiastic personality as much as I do. ;) While I'm not surprised that these "I can't take you" events keep popping up, they definitely get old.

Yet at this point, I'm feeling like those people—who can't take me—are the elderly cranky-pants jibber-jabbering man you can't take anywhere! Ha ha. For reference, please see one of my faaavorite Studio C videos..."Hey!! I'm the one orderin' here!"

Wasn't that hilarious?! I laugh out loud every time I watch it! But back to my thoughts...

These recent experiences remind me (Yes, I'm always learning!) that life is too short to worry about things that don't improve our lives. We shouldn't waste time worrying about what others think of us because we can only be who we are and it's impossible to please everyone 100% of the time.

That said, I do understand our need to connect with others. It's much easier to bond with someone when you believe they are who they say they are. I also see the value in receiving helpful feedback from others and implementing it into our lives when appropriate and necessary.

Despite what I've written, please know that I have many family members and friends who do appreciate all that I am. I'm so grateful for their love and kindness! And I consider myself beyond extremely fortunate to be married to my one and only true love! My husband "gets" me on a level that no one else ever has or ever will. Greg's unconditional love, patience and understanding are gifts to me that can only be matched by Heaven! The fact that Greg and I are together—and raising our priceless children—means everything to me!!! (I know I'm a broken record at times, but I have to speak my mind!)

In the grand scheme of things, these little "I think you're insincere" incidents don't matter a whit! It's just when the initial shock of something unexpected happens that my sincere heart wants to cry! :'( Yet even though people might not understand what's truly going on inside Adrie World, I'll continue happily living my enthusiastic life every. single. day....until my days are finished! :)

I hope all of you people out in blogging land have a super happy day! (Including the blogger who made me feel like a disappointed little girl that dropped her fresh caramel apple in the crunchy dirt! Eww, gross!)

Sincerely,
Adrie

P.S. In case any of you were wondering, I can still do the splits! Ha ha. This photo was taken after church a few Sundays ago by my daughter, per my request. There was no special occasion for it. I just wanted to prove that, despite my age, I can still do some pretty cool stuff!


Many years from now, I hope to be like the amazing dancing granny in this awesome video by Alex Boye—it's another one of my all-time favorites!! Watch the fabulous 92-year-old lady do the splits beginning at 3:00. Enjoy! :)

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Saturday, October 10, 2015

Higher Education: Yes or No?

Before I get into my blog post, I must share this fabulous video I found on Vimeo the other night. I highly recommend watching it because not only is it good, but also because I'll be discussing some of its points in my post. :)


Wasn't that great?! While I understand this video was produced by a career technical college, and I'm certain they're trying to increase their enrollment numbers, it makes some really valid points about our economy.

My experience with one point in the video is this: my husband has two bachelor's degrees and an MBA, but he didn't receive a raise after he graduated with his MBA. Also, Greg received his initial offer of employment from his current company based on his two bachelor's degrees and the years of experience in his previous jobs—meaning, he didn't need an MBA to land his present job.

But back to my husband's non-raise... When Greg received his year-end review the year he graduated, I thought for sure his MBA degree would automatically translate into a heftier paycheck. I thought a raise was a no-brainer because Greg was an even greater asset to his company. Sadly, I was super disappointed when he didn't receive anything(!) for his MBA degree other than a very heartfelt "Congratulations!" from his boss. (I appreciate his sincere support of my husband!) I was also disappointed because we had (and continue to have) a significant student loan payment due monthly, with no way to increase our income other than Greg finding a better paying job or having me go back to work—neither of which will happen until our children are grown.

So. Here is my husband with all of this great knowledge and a nice "car payment"—except we don't have a new car to show for our monthly debt! It's a frustrating and budget-wearying situation we find ourselves in. This is where having me teach piano lessons comes in handy. Even though I'm only teaching three-and-a-half hours per week, the money I bring in is very helpful for our family. I'm truly grateful for that benefit!

The irony of this story is that my husband recently began online distance education classes with Harvard University's Harvard Extension School! Please don't choke on your chocolate milk! Ha ha. Don't get me wrong because I'm extremely pleased with Greg's choice. I'm very excited about the fact that I married a Harvard man! Ha ha. Just kidding. I'm eternally happy in my decision to marry Greg with or without his many university degrees/certificates! For a good chuckle, please read The Harvard Crimson's article, "Marry Me? Show Me Your Resume."

If all goes well, Greg will receive a Professional Graduate Certificate from Harvard in Organizational Behavior, in 2017. Yay! It's not a traditional bachelor's degree or an MBA (because he already has both), but it's one of their programs meant for business professionals, and I say it totally counts! We also hope he'll receive some reimbursement from his company for good grades—especially since his company sponsors the program for their employees and that's how Greg found out about Harvard's programs in the first place.

*Side note: Greg had to provide documentation of his MBA, i.e., transcripts, in order for his company to enroll him in Harvard's Organizational Behavior program. It's nice knowing Greg has been vetted and found worthy to join Harvard's illustrious ranks!

It's been fascinating to watch Greg do schoolwork again, in addition to his full-time job and his part-time church service as our ward's executive secretary. Greg performs his "juggling act" very well. He works hard to keep every "ball" moving at the precise moment and in the proper direction. It's like we've gone back in time to our life in Colorado (circa 2004–2008) because he was doing the same lineup as previously mentioned—except that he was enrolled at the University of Nebraska, not Harvard! Greg's work, school, and church responsibilities are each time consuming in their own right. He is busy! I'd forgotten how much responsibility rests on me when he's enrolled in a university. It makes me tired just thinking about it! Ha ha.

All of that said (the "Success in the New Economy" video and our experiences with Greg's university degrees), I wouldn't change what we're doing. I love that my husband has such incredible depth and breadth of knowledge! I love knowing that if Greg were ever laid off again, he has the credentials to apply for nearly any job he wants in the business world. I have such a feeling of security that I'm not sure would exist without Greg's university degrees and the vast knowledge he's gained from them. And believe me, I understand that everything my little family has can disappear in a flash because we've been there, done that, before. I'm not deluded in any way! Thus, I appreciate what we do have so very much! :)

The other benefit Greg has gained from his broad education is the fact that he can blend into virtually any environment. He is capable of reading others to a degree that I cannot—which I believe is a direct result of his education and employment experiences. His educational and employment history has prepared him to handle literally any scenario that comes his way. Greg's ability to finish so many university-level classes (with excellent grades to boot!) proves that he has amazing dedication and follow-through. He can successfully complete whatever assignment he's given.

Based on Greg's and my experiences with multiple universities, and the information presented in the video above, I believe it's vital to really figure out who we are. We must understand our strengths, weaknesses, talents and abilities, and proceed with our lives accordingly. In the process of those wonderful—and sometimes hard—moments of self-discovery and true understanding, we shouldn't let others' choices or opinions affect our lives in negative ways. We must look for the best in each other and ourselves!

I'm going to spend some quality time pondering what educational path I'll take when my three children are raised. I've pondered before, but I keep bouncing back and forth between medicine, education and psychology because I love them all! It's been very hard for me to decide what my career choice should be when my nest is empty, but I know there is definitely something I am supposed to do on this earth, so I really want to figure it out. Of course, I know my most important priority is raising my children, and I will focus on my babies until they have moved out of our house. :)

My patriarchal blessing talks about my future career quite a bit, and I believe its words because I have faith that it is truly inspired from our Heavenly Father—I will seek out its "advice" as well. Plus, it's pretty hard to debate my patriarchal blessing when it has never been wrong in the 24 years since I received it! Yeah, that's an astounding track record!

Thus, when the question is asked whether individuals should seek out higher education or not, I say absolutely yes!!! I think everyone should extend their education as far and wide as they possibly can. *I fully understand student loans are inevitable for the majority of students, but I say those costs are worth every penny! Well, provided the institutions aren't overpriced and they're not trying to swindle everyone! By the by, no college, university, financial institution or government entity is paying me to endorse higher education. It's all me! Ha ha.

Even though I know it's not realistic, I dearly wish everyone could attend the college, university, or technical school of their choosing. I honestly believe higher education makes us much better people. Yes, a well-educated society is worth everything!

P.S. I can't wait for the day I graduate from college, or a university, and receive that lovely (and expensive) diploma!! Until then, this fun Harvard t-shirt my husband bought for me will have to suffice! ;)

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Thursday, October 1, 2015

Hiring Out Our Future

If you've read some of my other blog posts, you've seen my passion for parenting, raising children well and strengthening families. I write about those topics a lot because I'm right in the thick of raising my darling children, so they're constantly on my mind. Oh, how I love my two handsome boys and my beautiful daughter! So, yes, this will be another post about the importance of motherhood and fatherhood! :) If you're bored of the topic, I say, oh well! #sorrynotsorry ;) And if you choose to be offended by my words, please read my previous blog post, "Pesky Pernicious Perilous Pride." :)

I've been fiercely loyal to stay-at-home motherhood my entire life. This strong loyalty comes mainly from my sincere love and concern for the well-being of all children, but also from knowing my own mother as a stay-at-home mom and a career mom. My mom and I have talked about this issue umpteen times and we've come to an understanding about our lives and the way her magnificent teaching career affected our family, so I know she's okay with me writing about her in this way. (Hi Mom! I love you!)

Basically, it comes down to this: my life was awesome when I had a mother whose primary responsibility was her family; my life was not as great when my mother went back to work.

Don't misunderstand—my childhood family did very well in life and I'm sure we appeared quite successful to those around us. In fact, I'm guessing many people out there would hear our family's story and say, "Boohoo. Quit complaining. Your life was a walk in the park compared to mine." But when it comes right down to it, my father should not have asked my mother to go back to work so he could open his own business, and—as utterly heartbreaking as it is to see his pain—he's freely admitted his mistake.

By the way, there are so many layers involved in my childhood family's story that I don't have time or stamina to go into them here. Suffice it to say, my mom most definitely wasn't on-board with my dad's decision to have her go back to work and that decision affected all of us—in mostly negative ways. Now that our family history has been written, my dad agrees with us that my mom should have never been required to go back to teaching.

*The great paradox of my childhood family's story are the hundreds of students my mother so positively affected. She literally changed countless lives for the best because of her marvelous teaching abilities, talents and endlessly loving/happy personality. My dedicated mother was such a force for good! I know my mom's students are so grateful for her and I'm so glad they see her immense value, but our family suffered while they benefited from my mother's sacrifice. Even though I've moved-on and absolutely love my life, I regret my childhood family's loss to this day.

I'm guessing my younger sisters didn't feel so sad about my mom going back to work because they were just that: too young to remember the difference. I, on the other hand, vividly remember the difference in my mother before she went back to work and after she became a career woman.

My sweet mama always passionately states that she wishes she could have been a full-time stay-at-home mom more than anything! At least she had the opportunity to stay home with her children for about 14 years. And you'd better believe I am so thankful for those 12 years I had with my mom at home!!! In our general society, I'm guessing most people think that 14 years is way too long to stay home with your children. But in a child's mind, I'm guessing they never want their mother to leave home—because I felt exactly that way.

Thus, I've been disturbed again (what else is new?! ha ha) with what is going on in our world. Call me a broken record, but I firmly believe all of our world's woes come from children being raised by people other than their happily-married parents. Children need to be raised by their mothers and fathers! Call me a traditionalist (I'll take that as a compliment!), but I still believe mothers are the best day-in and day-out caregivers to their children. Yet if a father is able to be a stay-at-home dad, I'm all for it! :)

What I'm saying (and will continue firmly stating until the day I die!), is that children need at least one parent home raising them at all times. That parental influence needs to stay with the child until he/she has graduated from high school! Of course, dating and occasional short vacations (for parents) away from home are okay and good for every family (as long as another competent caregiver is present), but parents shouldn't be the occasional caregivers that show up between work hours or social events.

My strong feelings for this post were spurred by a few articles I stumbled across over the past several weeks. For starters, I read about Marissa Mayer's scheduled upcoming 14-day maternity leave in this LinkedIn article, "How Marissa Mayer's Maternity Decision Affects Young Women—Whether She Likes It Or Not." (Marissa Mayer is Yahoo's CEO.) I seriously wonder what Ms. Mayer thinking? At the very least, she should remain at home for six weeks to allow her body to heal from delivering her twins! Don't agree with me? Read, "Postpartum: First 6 Weeks After Childbirth—Recovery At Home," by WebMD, and you might change your mind. Thinking about the two babies at home who will need Mrs. Mayer—and deserve her!—makes me want to cry. Every baby needs their mother!

I also clicked on the link inside the above-listed article that took me to Time Magazine's article, "Matt Lauer Asked Mary Barra If She Can Be a Good Mom and Run GM" (the title is self explanatory). I shuddered when Mary Barra said, "I’m pretty proud of the way my kids are supporting me in this." Seriously? The way your kids are supporting you in this? Um, Mrs. Barra, parenting works the other way around: we must support our children in every way possible as they grow and until they leave our nests!

Both of those articles convey the problem with our society: children are often viewed as assets to be managed, not raised. I sound unbelievably harsh, but I can't stop wondering: why do parents have children if they're just going to hand them off to nannies, daycare and after-school programs?! And no, I don't want people to stop having children...I just want children to receive the proper and continuous attention they deserve from their parents! :)

Hey, I get it. There are certain times when outside childcare is necessary for survival. The lovely family I nannied for in Michigan was in a tight spot: divorced/single mother of a special-needs child. That precious soul with Down Syndrome and Autism was precisely why I wanted to become a nanny: because I knew his sweet mother literally couldn't do it all by herself. If she didn't work, where would they live—how would they survive? The same generosity applies to single fathers, widows and widowers. Thus, I knew my intense love for helping children grow and progress was exactly what that darling single-parent/special-needs-child family needed. I was so happy with my chosen "profession"!

But for those families that are in the sweet spot of having two living married parents, why won't one of them stay home full-time to care for their child(ren)? Why won't they alternate the stay-at-home parenting duties between husband and wife?

A few weeks ago while folding laundry, I decided to watch the series finale of Melissa and Joey on Netflix. Despite their differences in lifestyle choices from mine (lack of following the Word of Wisdom; and major morality issues), I greatly enjoyed their chemistry and some of the story lines—they really made me laugh! But at the end of the episode (spoiler alert!), I was more than disappointed when Mel decided to still run for congress even though she found out she was pregnant with twins. Part of the last scene played out like this:
Mel: Someone wants to publish your book? That's great!
Joe: Well, yeah, I know, but it's not gonna happen.
Mel: Why not?
Joe: Why not? Because read on, honey, they also want me to do a big book tour.
Mel: That's fantastic!
Joe: No, no, it's not fan... Com'on, we can't have twins, run for congress and a book tour—that's not gonna work.
Mel: Are you kidding, Joe? That's the starter pistol. Bang! (That's another part of the story earlier in the episode.)
Joe: Do you really think we can do it?
Mel: We'll hire a nanny!
Insert Adrie's commentary: A nanny is not the answer! Aahh!
At that very moment I thought, "Melissa and Joey's mentality is precisely what's wrong with our society—everyone is hiring out our future!" And after everyone has hired out our future—i.e., raising the children of this world through nannies, daycare and after-school programs—they have the audacity to wonder what is happening in our world! It is very frustrating to me.

Granted, I know not everyone is struggling. There are a lot of happy families and I'm so very grateful for their wonderful influence on our world! :) But the endlessly tragic/horrific news stories—that seem to get worse with each passing year—have everything to do with the way our world's children aren't being raised enough by their parents.

Children are crying out for the unconditional love, attention and time of their parents. When those special spirits (every child is important!) don't receive what they need at home, they look elsewhere to fill their "love buckets." Sometimes they land in a good spot with good people to teach, mentor and love them, but more often than not, those soul-wearied children end up in situations that turn them into less than our Heavenly Father intended, which is a true tragedy.

Many of those children recover from their less-than-stellar childhoods and go on to live very good lives—and I strongly believe every adult is responsible for their own happiness. Yet countless other children stay in their sad lives and become the adults who are unable to see another way to live. Sadly, when those lost children become parents, the regrettable cycle continues.

I admit, there are dismal childhood outcomes for stay-at-home parents, too, despite their best efforts. I know stay-at-home parenting isn't the 100% cure-all for every problem in our world—but it comes pretty darn close at 98%! ;) (That's my personal figure. Ha ha.) That said, I wish I could spread my soul's feelings/thoughts to every corner of our universe:

Children need their parents at every single stage of their lives! Just because a baby won't have memories until they are two, that doesn't mean said baby doesn't need a constant and consistent caregiver, i.e., a stay-at-home mother or father! Just because a pre-teen is ultra capable and responsible "above their years," that doesn't mean said older child doesn't need a parent who is daily involved in supervising their growth. Just because a teenager earns great grades, or is a fantastic athlete, or is super popular in school, or has a bright future with a college scholarship (how exciting!), that doesn't mean said teenager doesn't need a parent to come home to every day after school, and one who can stay up late to hear about every date!

*I also think children who are forced to grow up too quickly have major life struggles that could be avoided if they were simply allowed to be children until the proper time.

My list of children's needs go on and on. I'm sure many people reading my blog posts are tired of hearing me say the same things over and over. (Is anyone still reading?!) Yet I cannot get my feelings (about raising children) out of my mind, and my blog is my favorite place to share my thoughts! :) Besides, my thinking eventually returns to, "There has to be someone, somewhere, reading my post who will make the best choice for their family and become (or continue being) an attentive/engaged stay-at-home parent! Surely they'll realize their sacrifices can instantly change their child's life for the best and just do it!" At least I have hope that my words can help somehow! :)

Recently, I was so excited to see the conclusion to an article I read three years ago on The Atlantic (I love that magazine!) because it definitely helps support my feelings. I'll talk about the first article, then the most recent article.

In 2012, I eagerly read "Why Women Still Can’t Have It All," by Anne-Marie Slaughter, July/August 2012 Issue. Based on the title, I initially thought how great it would be to read an article by a successful career woman and mother who was willing to lay it out so plainly: that women cannot have career and family success at the same time—that one of them will suffer, and we ladies must choose. I dearly hoped she chose full-time stay-at-home motherhood! Instead, I was disappointed to read these sentences:
"I still strongly believe that women can 'have it all' (and that men can too). I believe that we can 'have it all at the same time.' But not today, not with the way America’s economy and society are currently structured."
and 
"...I had the ability to set my own schedule most of the time. I could be with my kids when I needed to be, and still get the work done."
I still get so riled up by her words because, again, the author's thoughts seems to be focused more about what she (the mother) wants, not what is best for her children! It's another classic example of the mother fitting her children into her schedule—when it's convenient for her—instead of being available when her children need her.

My view of motherhood resembles this: picture in your mind children happily playing, working or studying. Their mother is in the same room, working on whatever it is she needs or wants to get done, but she is available to help her children out whenever they need her. Obviously, the mother is available to the realistic extent possible because I know no mother is available literally every minute of every day. Mothers are not slaves. Children need to be taught the value of patience and that the word "no" is a part of everyday life. But my point (in my view of motherhood) is that all children should be given the opportunity to learn, grow and enjoy life with their mothers nearby. Then the mother is able to successfully interact with her children in happy/fun/intelligent/kind ways, and make needed course corrections as they arise. The mother certainly doesn't need to hover, but there is such a peaceful feeling children receive just by knowing for sure their mother is completely there for them—in every sense of the word! :)

Later in the article, Ms. Slaughter made the statement, "The discipline, organization, and sheer endurance it takes to succeed at top levels with young children at home is easily comparable to running 20 to 40 miles a week." I understand she's stating how hard it is for women to break into a man's career world, but when mothers are raising their children, I say motherhood is the ultimate career! Succeeding at "top levels" doesn't have to include a paycheck in your mailbox every two weeks or a glowing year-end review with a Christmas bonus!

To use Anne-Marie's own words, "Our assumptions are just that: things we believe that are not necessarily so." Nope, it's not necessary to have the immaculate business office, a beautiful view of the city, an envious pension plan, the fancy job title, and an amazing paycheck with the prestige and honor to match, for the title of Mother supersedes it all. Yes, ladies, once our children are raised, we'll have plenty of time to climb to the very tip-top of whatever career we choose—while simultaneously shoveling piles of money aside! Ha ha.

But I digress...

One of Mrs. Slaughter's sentences, "Perhaps the most encouraging news of all for achieving the sorts of changes that I have proposed is that men are joining the cause." is the perfect lead-in to the follow-up article in The Atlantic, "Why I Put My Wife’s Career First," by Andrew Moravcsik, October 2015 Issue. The author is Anne-Marie's husband, so I was fascinated to read what he had to share about their family. Mr. Moravcsik states (these sentences are from all over the article, not right in order):
"A female executive needs what male CEOs have always had: a spouse who bears the burden at home." 
"...most two-career families sooner or later find that one person falls into the role of lead parent." 
"Lead parenting is being on the front lines of everyday life." 
"Lead parenting is not merely its own reward; it also unlocks a capacity for caring and closeness that can last a lifetime." 
"Despite many days of weariness, I would never give up my years of being what the journalist Katrin Bennhold has called 'The One'... ...When my sons turn to me in this way, I feel a pride that is in many respects deeper than any pride I have experienced professionally."
Yes, Mr. Moravcsik gets it! :) I'm glad his wife and sons have him in their lives! His choice to be the lead parent is precisely the example other husbands and wives can look to when the mother wants to pursue a career outside the home. Yet I still would have recommended that he be the stay-at-home father—but a lead parent is better than a nanny, daycare or after-school programs! :)

That said, I must reiterate that I truly believe with my whole heart and soul that women are best suited for the full-time job of raising of children. (As I've said before, I know sometimes that blanket statement doesn't apply to everyone.)

To further support my mama-bear thoughts, please read this sentence from Andrew's article, "Despite their superior performance in college, surprisingly few women reach the pinnacles of professional success..." *If that previous sentence is true, then women really are the best candidates for the job of raising children! Take that! Ha ha. Sorry, I just couldn't resist throwing that fabulous tidbit in there. ;) And Dr. Bill Sears agrees with me (no, I've never met him, but I'd like to!):
"To your baby, you are the best mother." – William Sears, The Attachment Parenting Book : A Commonsense Guide to Understanding and Nurturing Your Baby. 
Of course, his wonderful advice applies to our children as they continue growing—not just when they're babies! (Click here if you'd like to read more of Dr. Sears' fabulous quotes.)

In all seriousness, I'm grateful there are fathers willing to sacrifice and take on the primary responsibilities of raising children. Their families will be blessed for their selfless efforts!

Please understand that I know parenting is difficult. I'm an imperfect mother and have much to work on. I know how hard staying home and raising children can be because I've been doing it for the past 15+ years! I know the feeling of "missing out" on corporate pats-on-the-back; raises; bonuses; recognition dinners; awards; certificates; new wardrobes for work; traveling abroad; adult conversation; company parties, etc. I'm intimately familiar with the feelings that come from child-induced sleepless nights; hunger pangs because I'm too busy caring for children to eat; crumby floors when I just vacuumed(!); crying fits (mainly from my children but occasionally from me! ha ha); multiple shopping trips in one day (this happened even before our children were diagnosed with celiac disease); loneliness when children return to school; endless budgeting from making it on only one income; repeatedly staring at our food, wondering what to make for dinner; driving/owning loud, old cars; never-ending laundry piles; dishes that seem to multiply overnight; chauffeuring children around until my hiney is numb...my list could go on for days! Oh, and I can't forget my postponed desires to blog on a consistent and regular basis—it's taken me a solid month to get this blog post and typographic designs published! Can you say frustrated?! Ha ha.

Here is evidence of just how tiring mothering can be:

Survival Mode Mothering, February, 2005.
Yes, that cleverly dressed young mother is me! Greg came home from work one day and busted up laughing at the spectacle of his wife—he had to take my photo! (And I'm really grateful he did. Our family's photos are priceless to me!!!) You see, at that time, my youngest son was a total mama's boy. He wouldn't let me out of his sight without wailing something fierce! Thus, I did the best I could by wearing him on my back for several hours a day. We went everywhere like this—including the grocery store! (People would just stare at me with my son on my back, my daughter in the front seat of the shopping cart, and my oldest son holding my hand.) My awesome hat was so necessary, you have no idea! My baby boy loved to play with my hair (still does!), so to keep my sanity (and my hair in its roots where it belongs!), I put my hair in a bun and a hat on top! My horrible outfit was chosen because I would get very sweaty hefting my darling son while cleaning our house and I didn't want to ruin my nicer clothes. And you have no idea how much I wanted to curl up on our couch just like my darling and sassy daughter! HA! So, do you see? I totally get how hard parenting is! :)

Yet none of those previously mentioned "difficults" will ever come between my children and me—or my husband and me, for that matter! As tiring as it is being a stay-at-home mom, I wouldn't change a smidgen of my life's greatest choice! Besides, I potentially have less than three years left before my oldest son is out of the house, and only seven years until I could be an empty-nester! Say what?! I don't know when my daughter will choose to leave home, but she said she wants to get an apartment after high school. Those thoughts blow my mind.

Thank goodness Greg and I were on the same page from our very first conversation about our potential for parenthood. How grateful I am to Greg that he supported me in my dream of stay-at-home motherhood because I would have been greatly disappointed if he would have wanted me to be the breadwinner, or have both of us work outside the home. Our lives would look completely different today if we had hired out our future, i.e., paid someone else raise our children.

I recently read this wonderful quote given by Elder D. Todd Christofferson (of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints) at the World Meeting of Families:
"I've heard it said that raising children is like growing a garden. You can’t force plants and flowers to bloom when you want, the way you want, but you can do much to provide an environment that makes flourishing likely. ...The essential element is not just what we do, but what we allow God to do through us."
Yes! We need to create a lovely, peaceful environment for our children to grow and thrive. When children feel unconditional love and safety, every important thing in their lives can fall beautifully into place!

Elder Christofferson's last sentence is key. We parents must be willing to make the necessary sacrifices that allow our Heavenly Father the opportunity to raise His children well, through us. Who better to continually love, care for and raise God's children than the parents he appointed through birth?! :) Not only do we please and honor our Heavenly Father in that wonderful process of serving our children (His children!), we absolutely become better people!

I have hope that one day the people of our world will look to the examples set by stay-at-home parents as the healthiest way to raise children and follow suit. I'd love it if parents would examine the sacrifices associated with raising children and, instead, view them as indispensable blessings: a lifetime of opportunities for self-improvement! My dreams for society might never be realized, but at least I'm living my dream and actively raising Greg's and my children 100%! :)

I truly believe there is nothing more beautiful in this world than happy traditional marriages followed immediately by glorious motherhood and fatherhood! I say to everyone:
Motherhood looks good on you!
Fatherhood looks good on you!


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Monday, August 24, 2015

Reaction Time, Family Time

I had a close call last Friday night while driving north on the freeway near my home. That heart-stopping moment left me near-tears and very reflective...

Despite the smog and heat, last Friday was a lovely Utah day. Oh, how I love Utah! :) I began my day by taking my oldest son to his sophomore orientation...I can't believe he's that old! I was concerned my son would be embarrassed to be seen with his mother at orientation. I asked him if he wanted me to leave, but he was unflappable—even when a few of his friends said "hi" to him! :) It warmed my heart to see my wonderful son happy to be seen with his mother...my level of happiness was (and is) indescribable! I just love that my boy wasn't embarrassed or annoyed by me (unlike I was at that age)—he made me feel like a million bucks! :)

After we found all of my son's classes and discussed our drop-off/pick-up routine, we decided to go school clothes shopping. I was thrilled that my I-love-playing-computer-games-and-basketball-all-summer! son was willing to spend an unspecified amount of time just shopping with me! Yay! I also loved that we talked endlessly while we shopped—it made this chatty Adrie very happy! By the way, it's no surprise that my son has excellent conversation skills! ;)

At one store, my son and I were having a lively discussion about which shoes to buy for him. We had been walking between three aisles with three boxes in our arms, trying to decide between five different pairs of shoes. We must have looked pretty funny debating back and forth to each other, walking around in circles! But it was a hard decision to make, you see! We finally decided he needed two pairs of athletic shoes: one pair for "A" day and one pair for "B" day.

I didn't realize until we saw a man staring/laughing at us that we must have been quite animated and verbal in our discussion. Yet I had my reasons for standing my ground (of which shoes would be better for my darling boy), and so did my son. We do love a good debate and aren't afraid to show it! :) At any rate, I'm glad we could provide some entertainment for the day! Ha ha. In the end, we were both satisfied with his choices.

We finished our shopping and headed to the drive-through to refresh ourselves with slushies. They were so yummy! We continued talking as we drove home and just enjoyed our time together. :) When we arrived home, we ate a late lunch and continued bonding.

After my son went back to his basement computer paradise, I readied myself for my next school shopping trip by creating lists for my daughter and youngest son. I suddenly became very tired and decided to take a quick nap. An hour and twenty minutes later (not so quick!), I finally awoke at the persistence of my baby boy. Man, I was bushed!

Before my other two children and I could go school shopping again, I drove my husband to pick up our car from being repaired/inspected for registration. We then headed back to one of the stores from earlier that day to return the suitcase I bought for Greg. As much as I liked the suitcase, Greg decided it was too small for his large shoes. :) My oldest son was pleased as punch that Greg chose the large grey suitcase he suggested for Greg from the very beginning! I simply thought the grey suitcase was too big...I was wrong. (I know, you're all thinking, "How could you have been wrong?!" Ha ha.) My youngest two children and I went to three other stores to complete our shopping lists. It was a long but productive night; we were all so happy to finally be done with school shopping! I would tell you more of our shopping adventures, but we don't have all night now do we?! Ha ha. Just know that we had a good time together. :)

As we drove home, I thought about how relieved I was to be free of our back-to-school week (Yippee!), for it has been a long week of preparing, shopping, school open-houses and scheduling!

When we were almost 10 minutes from home, I noticed that a vehicle in the lane way ahead of us swerved over and back into the lane. Because of the lighting in the sky (the sun had already set and the sky was almost dark), I couldn't see anything else in the lane but the massive SUV that had swerved. I thought maybe they wanted to switch lanes and didn't realize another car was there?

I never dreamed something would actually be in our lane in just a few moments. And I never would have guessed that it would be something truly harmful. I mean, how often is there an enormous and dangerous item in the middle of the road?? (Well, enormous considering what a vehicle can handle safely running over.) We sometimes see a shredded tire, or a piece of wood, or a plastic sack, or a tumbleweed, or an item of clothing blowing across the road, etc., but those things aren't life-threatening.

I can still see our scary moment clearly in my mind. I was driving with my hands at 10 o'clock and two o'clock, thinking about our day and all that we have coming up this week. All of a sudden, there was a large metal patio chair in the middle/right side of our lane! It was laying on its side with the round base of the chair on the left, and the back of the chair pointing to the right. I loudly sucked in my breath, slammed on my brakes, swerved my car sharply to the left and went right back into our lane after I passed the chair. I had zero time to react in any other way. Thankfully, the large truck in the left lane behind us also swerved as we swerved so we didn't crash into each other.

For many seconds after our adventure ended, I kept thinking how I couldn't believe I actually missed hitting the patio chair! I was stunned I didn't crash into another car! I was ecstatic that I didn't flip our car from over-correcting to avoid the chair!

I immediately wanted to start crying, but held it together because I didn't want my youngest son and daughter to be concerned or worried. After a few seconds, my son said how he was truly afraid he was going to die. Oh, I felt so badly that my wonderful boy was so scared! :'( Thus, I was relieved when he happily said, "Good reaction time, Mom!!" His words hung in the air.

As I thought about my son's sweet words, I was immediately drawn to the fact that yes, my reaction time was (in my mind) quite impressive. I literally saw the chair for the first time as I was almost on top of it and instantly slowed our car and swerved out of harm's way. I know I was being watched over and protected by Heaven last Friday night. Yet I also know the fact that I'm in good health/shape definitely had something to do with our safety. I feel strongly that because I've been exercising consistently for such a long time now (Well, a year+ seems long to me!), my body was able to perfectly react to what my mind told it to do. I believe that because of consistent exercising, my fight or flight response is way better than it could have been had I not been "in training" for the past year.

I shudder to think what would have happened if I had hit that large metal patio chair. Would our car have been totaled? Would we have been "totaled"? Would others have been injured? The chair would have hit our car on the front end, passenger side—right where my daughter was sitting, and my son was seated right behind her! I can't stand to think of them being hurt, or worse... Any of those previous options are not anything my family can deal with right now. I'm beyond grateful we were spared any sort of accident!

Each time I've had a close call in my life, I've been given a new mindset and this near-accident is no different. Life can literally be changed—or gone entirely—in a split second! I don't like to dwell on those sad thoughts, but they are the absolute truth! Thus, I've been renewed (again) in my life's efforts. I cling to all the lessons I've learned through my various medical trials that have mostly been resolved. I also perfectly remember the sad and difficult life lessons learned through losing my family's loved ones...they are never far from my thoughts.

Life is meant to be lived! Life is about having good and healthy relationships! Our families are the most important relationships we'll ever have! Making our families eternal should be our life's greatest goal! And once our families are eternal, we must daily do our best to keep the commandments and covenants we've made with the Lord. And, when we mess up (or commit sin), we must utilize the power of the Atonement of Jesus Christ and repent. :)

When I created this typographic design two Sunday mornings ago, I thought it was just a happy, clever design for my Mia Maid class to enjoy. (And I would have been truly pleased with that result!) Little did I know that I would be creating it for my family and me! It's a sobering thought to internalize the fact that if it weren't for my fast reaction time while driving on the freeway (and thanks to the Heavenly help I received), I might not have my family time—as I know it—anymore.

I created "Family Time" with money green as the background color to illustrate that family is more important than money! :)


So today and every day, I challenge everyone—myself included:
Up your game when it comes to your family time! :) Spread your wealth (time) in the ways that really matter! Spend every bit of spare time you have with your loved ones! Better yet, repeatedly create that sacred bonding time with the people who make you you! Never let a day go by without expressing your love to your family! Tomorrow could be your last day, so fill today with love for your family!
In order to daily achieve my challenge, we must create a lasting and eternal relationship with our Heavenly Father (God) and our Savior, Jesus Christ, through the Holy Ghost. If we are truly trying our very best to daily listen to the Spirit and follow His promptings/inspiration/revelation (which is what Heavenly Father desires of/for us), we will be led, directed and helped in the ways we can best live our lives—so that we can create even more wonderful moments and memories with our families!

My family's accident-avoiding experience will stay with me for a long time. I won't take my happy family ending for granted—I'm making every moment count! :)
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Saturday, August 1, 2015

I Wouldn't Change It

I had a fascinating conversation this past week. I won't divulge any specifics because I keep everyone else's lives totally private unless they ask me to share. During that conversation I was brought to "spiritual" tears because of the words the other person spoke. I don't like to cry, but sometimes my tears come to the surface and I can't help it! :')

In that teary moment, I was reminded of just how much Greg and I have been through in our lives as an eternally married husband and wife. Simultaneously, I had lightning-fast flashbacks of so many trials! As I reflected on our seemingly endless growing experiences, I was able to see the beauty of the strength Greg and I have obtained. Yes, we have suffered, but we have been blessed even more. Our hearts have been squeezed to their breaking points, but they've never shattered—even though it felt like that would happen more than a few times! Despite our struggles, Greg and I have seen absolute miracles brought to pass in our lives!



As I listened to the revelatory—and personal—spiritual truths this excellent person shared with me, I was instantly reminded that our Heavenly Father allows us to struggle. He knows we won't grow to our full eternal potential unless we are challenged, tried and tested on an almost-daily basis.

We grow spiritually in the same way our bodies become powerful. If we don't intensify our hard work or exercise throughout our lives, our muscle strength won't improve. In fact, if we don't participate in strength training throughout our lives, our chances of developing osteoporosis increase. If we never strive to better our bodies' conditions, they will atrophy and decrease in effectiveness and functionality as our years progress.

Just like our physical bodies are not meant to sit around on plush couches all day, our spirits are not meant to blithely sail through life. The quote, "Smooth seas do not make skillful sailors." is totally applicable to both our bodies and our spirits.

The great thing about our spirits is they can actually grow stronger and improve the longer we are alive! Unlike our bodies, our spirits don't diminish as the years go by. Thus, we must be humble enough to hand our wills over to our Heavenly Father, for they are the only thing we can give that genuinely express our gratitude for what He has given us. We must graciously allow Him to direct our paths—to enable Him to introduce us to our best selves! :)

Over the past two years, I've had many amazing conclusions to my life questions—I've written about a lot of them here. I specifically remember one moment in which I literally cried to the Lord, asking Him why? we were allowed to suffer so much, when He already knew that our family's outcome would be utterly happy and positive?

In that very moment, the Holy Ghost plainly spoke to my soul, "Would you change it?" My heart stopped in its tearful tracks. My soul was on fire as I contemplated His question. Would I change it? Would I want to erase the immense spiritual progress my family and I have gained through our trials and challenges??

I felt so small and cried even harder as I prayed, "No. I wouldn't change any of it."

I fell silent after that moment as I realized I had gained a greater perspective than I ever thought possible in my little life. When I really think about it, that crucial life moment makes me cry even to this day because I know that I matter to our Heavenly Father, and His Son, Jesus Christ. And just like I know I matter to Them, I know everyone who has ever lived or will live on this earth matters to our Heavenly Father...and that connection is made entirely possible through our Savior, Jesus Christ.

It's impossible for us to comprehend the ways of Heaven, but I firmly believe that if we constantly endeavor to be spiritually in-tune, we will be able to connect to our Heavenly Father and the eternal hopes He has for each of us.

I told the person with whom I was speaking that I was truly grateful for all of Greg's and my trials. Of course, it's always easier looking back on our struggles when we're in a good place in our lives (you know, hindsight is 20/20; all is right with the world) but I wouldn't change it. No way. I wouldn't give up what we know now for the ease and convenience of having never experienced our difficulties—not for any amount of money or worldly possessions!

As I finished the fascinating and spiritually uplifting conversation, my soul solidified —without any doubt whatsoever—the fact that there are no coincidences. Everything happens for a reason! If we try our very best to live our lives in harmony with the Spirit, we will be led in the right direction; we will be guided to the things we need to do; we will be inspired with the words we need to speak.

I was also reminded that our spiritual connections with others are vital for our well-being! We need each other's souls in our lives. We must do our best to learn from others' experiences. We must not be fearful for we are meant to share our insights! Our wisdom is most definitely not meant to be hidden. Besides, why would any of us want to suffer more than necessary—especially if we can learn from others' mistakes and successes? :)

I'm honored that that wonderful person freely opened their soul to li'l ole me. I only hope I helped them in some way! :)
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